Helping People Grow – by James Martin Sandbrook

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Helping People grow!

Videos about Tokoroa, New Zealand,
That I have made.

Nuggets of Wisdom:

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.
– Corrie ten Boom.

If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever. – Dalai Lama XIV.

Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions. – Stephanie Lahart.

It takes valor to identify your breaking points and refuse to allow people/circumstances use them to force you say/do things you don’t believe. – Assegid Habtewold.

We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say “no. – Suzette Hinton.

If the person you’re talking with continues to press you for more or can’t seem to accept your answer, then you are being harassed. I know that sounds hard for people-pleasers to accept, but it’s true. No means no. – Suzette Hinton.

Until you learn how to confidently say NO to so many things, you shall always say YES to so many things. The real summary of a regretful life is a life that failed to balance YES and NO.
Yes! A life that failed to recognize when to courageously say NO and when to confidently say YES! – Ernest Agyemang Yeboah.

It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is ‘not me’ in order to have a ‘me’. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don’t like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if ‘just anyone would do’. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with. – Henry Cloud.

SAYING “NO” IN A POLITE AND RESPECTFUL WAY START SMALL WITH YOUR “NO”.

Now that you have made some skills in recognizing and managing the fear that comes with saying “no”, it is time to start saying it.

It can be helpful to start small and start with less fear provoking situations to say “no” in. If the thought of saying “no” to your mother is still quite terrifying then don’t start with Mom.

If it’s your boss who you’d really like to start saying “no” to, but you are still too nervous, don’t start with her or him.

Start with safe people. If you have a good relationship with your sister, spouse or co-worker, start there. Look for opportunities to say, “no thank you” when they offer you something that maybe you don’t want (an extra helping of dinner, a coffee, a plant they are trying to get rid of).

If you are a person who has said “yes” to everyone and everything your whole life, you may run into some reactions of shock from others. They may try to ignore your “no” and push their offer on to you. You can breathe, and respond with, “thank you, I have thought about it, and I’m okay without it”.

It may take some time for people to recognize that you are setting a boundary and that you are keeping that boundary set. At first this may not be met with happy reactions.

By changing your regular response you are upsetting a system that has likely taken place for years. If you feel your fear/guilt/anger creeping in, pause, breathe and trust in the process of setting boundaries and asserting them with “no”.

Over time, as you continue to assert yourself, people will adjust and respect your boundaries. If they do not, you may be in the unfortunate position of evaluating the role you want this person to have in your life.

– Charlene Richard..

How to Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Change.
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You’ve just done a pitch for a potential client and you’re waiting with worry to hear if they’d like to go ahead with the work you proposed. You had an extra cookie with your afternoon tea and you’re worried if it was one too many for the waistline you’re watching. Or maybe you’re about to go have a nice evening out with your friends and you’re worried whether it will rain. The common denominator in all
these things is that you’re worrying about things you can’t change – so stop worrying!

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5 strategies to stop worrying

You’ve already done your pitch so you’ve done what you can to get the job. You’ve already eaten the cookie so no point beating yourself up for it when it’s already in the tummy. And the weather is uncontrollable so worrying about isn’t going to change it. How often do you worry about things you can’t change? Probably at least a few times a day – if not more. This create unnecessary additional stress
for both your body and mind, and actually prevents the joy and enjoyment you can experience today. So it’s time you learned to stop worrying.
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Let’s start by looking at what research has said about worrying in general:

~ About 85% of the things we worry about never happen.
~ If what we worry about does happen, 80% of us said we handled the outcome better than we thought we would.
~ People who let go of worries instead of stressing over them are much healthier than those who don’t.
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So how do you let go of this worrying that sometimes drives you crazy – especially when you’re worrying about things you have no control over?

Try the six strategies below to stop worrying once and for all – there’ll be a time and a place for each of them.

1. Accept uncertainty & learn to thrive in it.
The beauty of life is in how unpredictable it is – you never quite know what’s around the corner!
Learn to embrace this uncertainty and thrive in it. Who knows, it could even bring some exciting new opportunities you never even thought about.
Put your heart and soul into the things you care about, and work hard on achieving your dreams. That’s all you can do. The rest is up to the world.

2. Call a friend to talk about your worries.
Talking about your worries will help you get your head straight about whether your worry is realistic, worth worrying about, and something you can actually do anything about. It will help you understand that there’s no point worrying about it if the outcome is out of your hands, and hence let’s you offload some of the weight you carry around.

3. Practice mindfulness.
Learning to be present will help you keep your mind focused on what you’re doing now rather than worrying about things you can’t change. Even simple meditations, such as 10 minutes of sitting down just focusing on your breathing, has been shown to reduce everyday stress by as much as 39%.

4. Distract yourself with another activity.
Really can’t seem to get it out of your head? Go do something completely unrelated and different that forces you to focus on something else. This is most effective if you choose an activity that you get fully immersed in, such as practicing your hobby or reading an exceptional book. For example, I’m able to escape the world when I go to my horses – even just brushing them and spending time with them
takes my mind away from other things.

5. Exercise!
Doing some kind of exercise you enjoy will give you a break from your worries whilst reducing the levels of your stress hormones, stimulating the production of feel-good brain chemicals, and improving your self-image. If you’re struggling to get your mind to be quiet during exercise, put some fun music on in your headphones or push yourself even harder. When you challenge your body you will need to
focus so you won’t be able to worry about anything else other than the exercise itself.

6. Have a designated worry time and worry notebook.
If you really want to take control of those worries and you’re finding that the above strategies don’t work, allow yourself to worry for a certain time period every day. Spend that time writing about all your worries in that notebook, and accept that when the time is up, the worrying will have to stop. That way you will get them out of your head and onto paper, which research has shown is very effective in
clearing your head.
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Stop worrying about things you can’t change!

It’s important to note that worrying is a completely normal human emotion and that there is no need for you to beat yourself up about worrying. But you will be able to reduce your stress levels and boost your positive emotions if you’re at least able to stop worrying about things you can’t change. For the things you can change, do something about them, fight your worry with action! For the things you can’t
change, have a play with these six strategies and see how you get on with letting go of your worries!
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– Susanna Halonen.

Please give yourself a break. Please don’t torture yourself because you are struggling in the world. This modern world the rich, political parties and science has created “is not natural for human beings”, that is the reason that you feel like you don’t fit in and you struggle.
Go back to the basics, to a simpler life, good non-chemical fresh food, clean water, grow your own, make your own, create, craft, enjoy the sunset and sunrise, and love those who have shown you with action that they love you and who show you that they are blessed having you with them.

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Saying “No!” does not mean that you reject the person who asks.

The no relates to a specific request, not the whole person. Sometimes no just means no.

It is common for people to overestimate the impact that saying no has on a person. The other person might take it in their stride with relative ease, but here we are thinking we have nearly destroyed them.

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Rules for saying “No!”:

Here are some straightforward rules that can be applied in most situations.
When saying no:
Be honest, polite and even-tempered. Don’t mince words, just come out and say what you need to say. ‘No’ sounds better, less threatening when it is said in a firm but even-tempered voice.
Don’t apologise.
Remember, keep it brief. No need to launch into justifications. It undermines your credibility. You have the right to say yes or no to any request or demand.
Take responsibility. It is better to say ‘I don’t want to’ than it is to say ‘I can’t’.
You should give the impression that this is your decision, not someone else’s.
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Ways of saying “No!”:

Trevor Powell outlines six useful ways of saying no:

• The Direct No.
Simply say no, and do so without apologising, applying the rules from the previous section. This works well when someone has a problem and they try to make it your problem and you are not having it.

• The Reflecting No. You acknowledge the other person’s position, and then add on your refusal at the end. For example ‘I know you want me to help move house this weekend, but I’ve already made plans and I don’t want to change them.’

• The Reasoned No. A simple direct reply in which you briefly state the reason you are saying no. For example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, I am working on a project.’

• The Raincheck No. This leaves the door open to saying yes later, for example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, but I could make it at 8.’

• The Enquiring No. Like the raincheck method, this one opens up the possibility for an alternative, for example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, but is there another time that would suit?’

• The Broken Record No. Simple but effective, you repeat your polite refusal again and again, as often as the other person persists.
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The repetition quickly draws attention to the other person’s persistence which will often catch them in an unfavourable light. Very good for pushy sales people.

– David Tuffley.

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Once we understand that things happen out of our control and that worrying won’t change a thing, then with maturity we know that the wise thing that is good for our physical health and for our mental health, is to put the worries out of our minds and do the things that we can do and change.

Many times I have been anxious about meetings, events, things that people want me to do, and I have worried, and then been so happy how they turned out. All the worry achieved nothing except ruined a good day or two.

You have a wonderful gift “your life”. Have the courage to live it and do the things that you know are what you want to do. Please Bless the world by being you, because that is who you were born to be, and who we need you to be.

Please have a wonderful day.
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All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
September 20, 2016 at 2:25pm

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