I kind of woke up back in 2004 and discovered that I was just “going through life aimlessly”. I didn’t need goals, what I needed to be was the kind of person that someone would appreciate and would feel blessed that I was their friend.
What I discovered was that an aimless life brought no meaning, and I felt empty and alone even though I knew many people. I discovered that society was leading me from happiness instead of bringing me happiness.
Bad parenting meant mixed up and confused children. Far too many people have been in my life that didn’t care about me, they had a friendship with me for their gain, or they wasted someone to waste time with. And I was eager to hang on to fruitless friends in the hope that they would one day discover that I was worth something to them. I had no idea that I could do better than this because no one told me that I could.
A lost society is a people who have drifted from the basics of good family values. I had never known good family values. What I learned as a child was that people got drunk, got stoned, partied, adults looked after themselves. Parents could be unfaithful. Money was more important than children. Children feared parents. People could be cruel for no reason. Girlfriends felt that it was their right to sleep with other guys for fun or “to get more experience” etc.
In defense I tried to be tough, macho, a man of the world, but I failed miserably, and being like this did my relationships no good at all.
Like many of us I really wanted to feel appreciated, understood and loved. I wanted to be happy. I wanted a happy family of my own. I desperately wanted one female to love me and stay with me. And all the things that were the most important to me never happened, or they were short lived. I got many glimpses of happiness and then it was gone all over again. I wondered what was the point of it all so many times.
Sometimes the problem was my troubled character from a very crazy, sad, troubled childhood. I was mixed up, unconfident and sensitive. Some of the problem was that the people I was with had a different idea of what love is.
I kept putting myself subconsciously in bad relationships and paid dearly for it. And because of this I became frustrated, sometimes angry, confused because life was not turning out well at all.
I failed as a teenager, boyfriend, father, husband in so many ways, succeeded in others. And other people failed me in many ways. I realised that there must be something better than this.
It takes effort but we can all be better people than what society tries to turn us into.
We need to make young people aware that life can be better if they learn to stand up for themselves and make choices that may be unpopular with the crowd and family, but they are the best choices for them. We need more confidence in the individual, more courage, people who can cope, and every time things go wrong they are willing to get back up and try again, and again, try something new, and be the best that they can be.
Everyone needs to know that they can break restricting boundaries created by others, and change society for the better. We must learn to look out for one another. We need to teach each other that we all have a voice, and that what we have to say deserves to be listened to and considered. From the business person down to the unemployed and pensioners we all deserve a say without restrictions.
To have a better world we need to be the individual parts that make an honest difference to our community. Life is about people looking after people. Caring and looking out for each other is very important to community happiness and protecting families etc.
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All the best from
James M Sandbrook.