Parenting & Children Notes.

A parent “must not” make unbelievable punishment-type (threats) statements to his or her children.

To make any unbelievable statements to your children will just have your children believing that you are lying or playing around with the truth.

If you intend on making threat (I use the word threat here in it a weak manner, especially a non-violent manner) then you must also intend on following them through if the need arises.
To say that you will do something “if”…, then you must follow through with your statement. If you don’t follow through then to some degree you ‘lose face’ with your children. It will be a weak-spot in your child-teaching-punishment-system.

A parent “must” tell the truth to the children. There is an old myth that children are not intelligent enough to understand the things that the parents talk about, this is mostly a myth. Even if the child does not understand all the details he or she is taught through education or sometimes a bit of sneakiness to do some research to find out what it is that you were talking about. But there is also one more factor in this equation, the child can also go to the most unreliable source (and sometimes very reliable source) of information, his or her own friends. Tell the truth and your children will have no reason to “suspect” what you say to them. If you think that your child is to young to know something then you do not need to tell the child about it. If the child asks a question that he or she is to young to know about (or understand) then you can tell the child that you will give a good explanation about the subject when the child is old enough to understand what it is that you are telling the child. A mature child will understand and respect this answer. By the way even a 5 year old child can be mature. He can be mature enough for his age.

Be fair to your children. Try very hard not to have favourites. Many parents have favourites, but if you mention it to the parent, he or she (mostly) says that it is not true, ask the children and you will get a different answer. A favourite child is a child that a parent would tend to “lean” more toward in terms of rewards or favours etc. This child would get more positive attention than the other children and very possibly less punishments which will cause ill feeling amongst the rest of the family children and sometimes even the husband or wife of the parent involved.

Never bow down when your child is wrong. Be firm, but fair in your dealings with your children. Show to the child that you are in this for the both of you and that you care.

Try never to raise your voice to your children. This is sometimes a hard thing to ask of parents who are tired, and very weary. Many (or all) of us have failed in this mission more than a few times. But still always try to be relaxed. But the child may see our loud voice as the parent being out of control, immature etc.

Try not to lose control when your children do wrong. Even if the child breaks your best dinnerware.
The child’s confidence is far more important than something that the child breaks.

You have the opportunity to put yourself in situations where you can test yourself. One such an occasion is when you are in church and you feel that you are being offended by the preacher. Test your will power and see if you can “handle” staying without losing your temper. You can also test yourself in many other situations. Take a bad situation (a situation that you “know” that you fail at) and use it to change the event into a positive event.

Don’t ignore these situations as they are wonderful affirmations of your ability to turn bad into good. Take up the challenge and make the changes to events of which you fail at. It is not good just knowing that you have a problem, you must do something about it. Sitting down on the most important job of your life will only ensure that no progress is made. Find the time and the energy in your life to push ahead. Make your motto “do it” and then do it!

All the best from
James Martin Sandbrook.
Friday, ‎9 ‎February ‎2007, ‏‎5:20:00 PM.