Many people today are not brought up in stable homes and did not have strong stable examples of a mother and father to influence and guide them and this left them struggling to control their emotions and with coping issues.
And if that is the case then we can struggle to understand what an emotion is and what it is there for. Maybe we can not understand how an emotion is supposed to help us and be useful in our lives.
For instance some people become frustrated at a situation (things out of his or her control) and they get angry from that. But if we understand that we are frustrated and not angry then it will not go any further.
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If we understand that how we react to situations makes a huge difference to our happiness, coping abilities, and how the situation turns out then we will stop, think, realise that there was nothing that we could ever have done to prevent the situation and that anger, ranting, raving etc will not change the situation for the better, but instead it will make things much worse, create regrets, possibly more anger and unhappiness for others. And any loss of anger makes people disrespect us and we disrespect ourselves deep down inside etc.
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Anger fogs the brain. What we could have fixed in a controlled common sense manner we fail to fix properly when we are angry. Dale Carnegie once stated that once a person loses their temper then he or she has lost the discussion or argument already, because this person has lost control, has lost the respect of others and looks foolish. I tell myself this often when I feel myself get angry. I suck in some air and breath deeply letting the anger go and then looking at more productive ways to do what it is that needs doing. I am not perfect and sometimes still fail before I realize it, but as long as a person is aware that the emotion of anger will most likely cause more harm than good then the person can 9 times out of 10 stop themselves from losing the plot.
We can think as we feel ourselves start to boil up inside with anger, “This is not going to get any better if I get angry and show it!” and then physically and spiritually slow down, step away from what has happened and carefully think about a better way to deal with what has happened.
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Many people know that a person could have yelled at us, or could have done something violent or had a fit because we did something wrong. So it is with great appreciation and respect that we look at people who treat us decently and give us another chance while encouraging us in our efforts to try to do our best.
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If we made a mistake we cannot go back to the past and undo what has been done, so to make things better and to become wiser we can do the best that we can from this point onwards. We learned our lesson, and now we must progress positively, wiser and with more knowledge.
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Self control is an asset in our lives. It helps us control our emotions and helps us get on better with people while also creating long lasting fruitful relationships with people who really respect us and appreciate us.
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All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
2017.
Love is not about sex, or money spent on you or fancy dates, or showing off. It is about being with the person who makes you happy, and completes you with encouragement, understanding and being at your side. – Author Unknown.