Why do people lie?

James M Sandbrook

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Philip Houston, Michael Floyd and Susan Carnicero: Here are the top reasons we’ve found:

"Because they fear the negative consequences of disclosing the truth."

These are the cases in which people engage in an active concealment of information that’s driven by a fear of what will happen if that information is revealed.

The circumstances associated with these lies often involve an act of wrongdoing that the person wants to hide.

Because they want others to believe something about them that isn’t true.

Perhaps it’s a news anchor who claims to have been in a helicopter that was brought down by an RPG in a war zone, when he was actually in a different helicopter at the time.

Maybe it’s a job candidate who embellishes his resume, or someone who fibs about his physical attributes in an online chat forum.

These are the lies people tell as a means of enhancing the positive image that others have of them.

• Because they want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

Whether it’s telling a friend that we love her dramatic new hairstyle when we really think it looks ridiculous on a woman her age,

or telling a child that the picture he drew of the horse is beautiful when it really looks more like a misshapen table with a bust of a goblin on one end,

we find ourselves telling these benevolent “social lies” quite readily as we navigate our way through the day.

• So, how can we spot a lie quickly and easily? What are the signs?

Houston et al:

There are five categories of deceptive behaviour that you need to look for:

Evasion:

Think of these behaviours as linguistic acts of concealment. Example: Failure to answer the question.

Persuasion:

These behaviours are aimed at convincing you of something, rather than conveying the information you’re asking for. Example: Invoking religion.

Manipulation:

These behaviours are meant to disrupt your game plan. Example: Failure to understand a simple question.

Aggression:

These behaviours are typically exhibited by a person who feels cornered, and who needs to lash out to get you to back off.

Example: Attacking your credibility.

Reaction:

These are behaviours that are triggered by the autonomic nervous system when your question creates a spike in anxiety.

Example: Hand-to-face activity.

Your aim is to identify a cluster, which is defined as any combination of two or more deceptive behaviours, which can be verbal or nonverbal. Under our model, the first deceptive behaviour has to occur within the first five seconds after the stimulus, which is your question.

This way, you can reliably conclude that the behaviour was prompted by your question.

• What are the key steps to take to get the truth out of anyone?

Houston et al: Here are 7 key steps to getting at the truth:

1. Adopt a sincere, understanding tone and demeanour.

There’s a saying to the effect that the guilty person seeks only to be understood, for to be understood gives the appearance of being forgiven. Far from confrontational or belligerent, the demeanour you project should be engaged, calm, empathetic, and most of all, sincere. Slowing your rate of speech and lowering your voice a bit will aid you tremendously in evincing sincerity.

2. Help the person rationalize his actions.

This will nudge him a step in the direction of being less focused on long-term consequences, and more focused on the reasons you’re giving him to see telling the truth as a viable option. Rationalizing his actions or behaviour by reminding him, for example, that everyone is human, and that everyone makes mistakes, will help weaken his resolve to withhold the truth.

3. Minimize the seriousness of the situation.

The more you’re able to downplay the consequential nature of the matter about which the individual is withholding the truth, the more comfortable he will be to share the information you’re seeking.

When he hears you say, “It’s important that we not blow this out of proportion,” he’ll be struck by how reasonable you are, and you’ll likely be perceived as much less of an adversary.

4. Socialize the situation so the person doesn’t feel so alone.

If I have the impression that you and others might think of me as a pariah if I admit that I did the bad thing, I’m going to be awfully reluctant to admit it. On the other hand, if you tell me this is the sort of thing you see all the time being done by men and women in all walks of life, I’m going to feel much less alienated.

5. Assure the individual that there is plenty of blame to go around.

Chances are, a person who wants to conceal the truth will not have adopted a “buck stops here” mentality.

It’s always easier for someone to fess up if he sees that the finger isn’t being pointed solely at him.

Liberally shower the blame wherever you can convincingly do so—society, the system, management, bad apples are all potential accomplices in causing the bad thing to happen.

6. Don’t allow the person to voice a lie or a denial.

If the person is in lying or denial mode, you don’t want his lips moving—the more opportunity he’s given to articulate the lie, the more psychologically entrenched he’ll become, and the less likely he will be to reverse himself and tell you the truth.

7. Take advantage of the power of repetition.

Human nature is such that the more frequently we hear something, the more likely we are to believe it, or to at least be open to the possibility.

Remember that if the person is in denial mode, you don’t want his lips moving, so you’re the one doing the talking.

Freely rearticulate the rationalization, minimization, socialization, and projection of blame that will help the person, even if only temporarily, to see things your way.

- Kathy Caprino.

Why do people lie?
What are the top three reasons, and what are they afraid of if they tell the truth?

James M Sandbrook

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Email.

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