“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.” – David Russell

David Russell is a world famous classical guitarist born in Scotland in 1953.
I’m not sure where or when he uttered these words.
And I don’t agree with them completely.

I would say that knowing which bridge to cross and which to burn is AMONG the hardest things in life.
But this idea is worth exploring for a few minutes.

These opposing actions are easily enough understood if considered separately.
Generally when we refer to having a bridge to cross, we mean there’s something we need to do.
We need to get from one side of the river to the other side.

The bridge is our means for doing that.
So to “cross the bridge” is to use the means by which we accomplish what needs to be done.
We need to cross the river.
The bridge is the means. Clear enough.

When we refer to “burning a bridge,” we usually mean there’s something that we’ve settled
and we’re cutting off all means of addressing it again.
Originally the expression pertained to an army crossing a bridge ahead of its enemy.
After crossing the bridge they would burn it.

This would ensure that the enemy had no way of reaching them, as the means of access had been eliminated.
It’s also commonly used in reference to an action we take that precludes future options.

We leave a job under severe conditions and do things we should not have done.
We might then say, “When I left that job, I burned my bridge.”
Meaning that you’ll never be able to work in that place again.

We can also burn relational bridges.
We have a falling out with a friend or colleague that’s so caustic, there’s no hope of restoring the relationship again.

Russell is pointing out that sometimes it can be difficult deciding the best course of action.
Let me offer some practical application.

•    If you have unfinished business that should be dealt with.
Maybe you need to forgive someone, offer an apology, clarify an action, make restitution for an offence, pay a debt, heal relational damage. This is a bridge you need to cross.
The only way these matters can be resolved is if you’re willing to cross the bridge.
The bridge is the work that must be done. It’s the process that must be faced and
worked through.
Otherwise you remain stuck and cannot go forward with a sense of closure.
It will continue to hound you until you cross the bridge and settle it.

•    But maybe the matter is truly finished.
It might be something you did in the past and you dealt with it in the past.
You made restitution.
You paid the debt.
You offered forgiveness or an apology.
You clarified.
You did what you needed to do.
You crossed the bridge.
And yet, you can’t seem to move forward.
You think about this thing far too much.
You stress yourself out over it.
You give it too much focus and too much energy.

This is a bridge you need to burn.
You need to burn it because there’s nothing more you can do about it. It’s done.

By burning the bridge you confirm in your mind that it’s settled.
So pull out a match, light the torch, set the bridge on fire, and watch it burn.
Not with a spirit of vindictiveness. But with a spirit of closure.
So you can move forward and not be further hindered by what you cannot change.

This reminds me of the Serenity Prayer of St. Francis.
That God would grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change and the courage to change the things we can.

These are the two bridges.
The things we can change are the bridges we must cross.
The things we cannot change are the bridges we must burn.

Knowing which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn is the hard part.

That’s why Francis ended the prayer with…. and the wisdom to know the difference.

May you always know which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn.

– Samuel Rodenhizer.
June 24, 2016.