Advice and examples of Saying “No!” and meaning it!

Saying “No” steps:

Saying “no” is difficult for most people.

Changing old habits requires an examination of your fears and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone of always pleasing others.
Consistent reinforcement of your motivation and reasons to say no is also recommended.
The following is the basics of saying no.

You can start to practice these before you start on the emotional work required to put yourself first instead of last.

STEP ONE:
Acknowledge the other persons request by repeating it.

STEP TWO:
Explain your reasons for declining – no need to go into detail.

STEP THREE:
Say “no”.
Optional fourth step if appropriate:

Suggest an alternative where both your needs will be met
Start by listing some examples when you find it most difficult to say “no” to people. Then using the steps write some responses to these situations.
Take your time to find a way of saying “no” that’s right for you.
In difficult or highly emotional situations give yourself permission to respond that you need more time to think so you can prepare a response.
Remember to be specific there is no need to go into a long explanation and explore what you are afraid will happen if you say “no”.

– Gretchen Netterfield.

SAYING “NO” IN A POLITE AND RESPECTFUL WAY START SMALL WITH YOUR “NO”.

Now that you have made some skills in recognizing and managing the fear that comes with saying “no”, it is time to start saying it.

It can be helpful to start small and start with less fear provoking situations to say “no” in.
If the thought of saying “no” to your mother is still quite terrifying then don’t start with Mom.

If it’s your boss who you’d really like to start saying “no” to, but you are still too nervous, don’t start with her or him.

Start with safe people. If you have a good relationship with your sister, spouse or co-worker, start there.
Look for opportunities to say, “no thank you” when they offer you something that maybe you don’t want
(an extra helping of dinner, a coffee, a plant they are trying to get rid of).

If you are a person who has said “yes” to everyone and everything your whole life, you may run into some reactions of shock from others.
They may try to ignore your “no” and push their offer on to you.
You can breathe, and respond with, “thank you, I have thought about it, and I’m okay without it”.

It may take some time for people to recognize that you are setting a boundary and that you are keeping that boundary set.
At first this may not be met with happy reactions.

By changing your regular response you are upsetting a system that has likely taken place for years.
If you feel your fear/guilt/anger creeping in, pause, breathe and trust in the process of setting boundaries and asserting them with “no”.

Over time, as you continue to assert yourself, people will adjust and respect your boundaries.
If they do not, you may be in the unfortunate position of evaluating the role you want this person to have in your life.

– Charlene Richard.

Saying “No!” does not mean that you reject the person who asks.

The no relates to a specific request, not the whole person.
Sometimes no just means no.

It is common for people to overestimate the impact that saying no has on a person.
The other person might take it in their stride with relative ease, but here we are thinking we have nearly destroyed them.
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° Rules for saying “No!”:

Here are some straightforward rules that can be applied in most situations.
When saying no:
Be honest, polite and even-tempered. Don’t mince words, just come out and say what you need to say.
‘No’ sounds better, less threatening when it is said in a firm but even-tempered voice.
Don’t apologise.
Remember, keep it brief. No need to launch into justifications.
It undermines your credibility.
You have the right to say yes or no to any request or demand.
Take responsibility. It is better to say ‘I don’t want to’ than it is to say ‘I can’t’.
You should give the impression that this is your decision, not someone else’s.
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Ways of saying “No!”:

Trevor Powell outlines six useful ways of saying no:

• The Direct No.
Simply say no, and do so without apologising, applying the rules from the previous section.
This works well when someone has a problem and they try to make it your problem and you are not having it.

• The Reflecting No.
You acknowledge the other person’s position, and then add on your refusal at the end.
For example ‘I know you want me to help move house this weekend, but I’ve already made plans and I don’t want to change them.’

• The Reasoned No.
A simple direct reply in which you briefly state the reason you are saying no.
For example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, I am working on a project.’

• The Raincheck No.
This leaves the door open to saying yes later, for example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, but I could make it at 8.’

• The Enquiring No.
Like the raincheck method, this one opens up the possibility for an alternative, for example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, but is there another time that would suit?’

• The Broken Record No.
Simple but effective, you repeat your polite refusal again and again, as often as the other person persists.
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The repetition quickly draws attention to the other person’s persistence which will often catch them in an unfavourable light.
Very good for pushy sales people.

– David Tuffley.