More thoughts on narcissist/manipulators. Be wary of their tactics. be wary of their conviction that they are innocent and their claims of being judged unfairly.
The narcissist can think that they are the victim while they take advantage of the real victims life. Or they can think that they are only doing the victim a favour because he or she doesn’t have the common-sense or ability to look after themself. They are deluded and lost in their own dream world.
The victim, tries to explain in plain language to the narcissist that the narcissist is taking advantage of the victims nice nature and they stare at the victim in amazement, and then often go on a long tirade about their total innocence and how they are being unfairly mis-judged and doing the victim a favor and that they are showing the victim great friendliness and then they may go on about all the wonderful things that they claim that they did for the victim in the past.
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If you were the victim…
A lot of the special things that they did for you in the past were things that they should have done anyway. But they need to build up their innocence on a pedestal for you to adore and admire and to be sucked in by for the rest of your days.
They are so obviously guilty, and yet the victim is often so meek that the overwhelming ranting and big performance of innocence by the manipulator has the victim wondering if they got it right, or the victim just shuts up and lets the manipulator drone on to get it all over and done with. The next day everything is back to normal, and it is you who has the problems (according to the narcissist manipulator) and the narcissist has a good day with others, while you carry on in the same meaningless situation that you were in the day before. In other words the victim never ever gains. And that is something that the victim needs to wake up to so that he or she is not a victim anymore
Some narcissist talk big, but when it looks like they will lose then the tears may come out, the sad face, the sad story of “I may have made a mistake.” or something like that – but the victim needs to be aware that the sad-story is also a big tool of the manipulator as is the tears, and even an apology. The apology can be a last desperate resort to take.
Try to be aware that even though the manipulator is sneaky and tricky, he or she is also convinced of their innocence and that by being dominant over you that they are ‘doing you a favour’.
And it can look like they are doing you a favour, but the reality is that they are taking big advantage of you in their favour.
Often they will do small favours for you, buy you things, go out of their way for you, and then tell you how special you are because they did this and that for you – and then they will continue to use and abuse you. It is kind of like 3/4 taking advantage of you, and they put in a 1/4 work of niceness to that gain 3/4 advantage over you.
If you don’t accept the way that they treat you they will hit you with, “After all that I have done for you and you do this?” and they try to make you feel deeply guilty for ‘letting them down’. While in reality this person is always letting you down because your life is always under the manipulators thumb. There is relief and holidays and happiness for the manipulator, but not for you. Your heart and soul never gets satisfyingly rest.
The manipulator tries to dress up the situation to look good for you, and they even lay down the laws and tell you how it is ‘for your own good’ of course.
The victim is often meek, may have suffered mental illness in the past and the manipulator is using that to their advantage trying to inform the victim that “it is the victim who is still having “issues” while the manipulator is always helpful, strong, and the victim because of these so-called issues cannot function in the world without the manipulator.
It is a hoax that has people glued pathetically to the narcissist for many, many years never ever progressing.
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All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
September 28, 2014.
