Boundaries to Consider.

So you have someone in your life who is demanding your attention and you find that you are doing things their way and not your own. This makes you feel depressed, anxious and unhappy with your lack of control and with your life. There are many steps you can take to end this, and the first is setting strong boundaries that limit this person and other people’s control on your life. When you set boundaries you can be sure that they will test them, so you must be convinced that you will not break the boundaries no matter what.
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Example of clever manipulation:
A mother manipulates their adult-daughter. The daughter tries to break away. To combat this the mother fakes illness, fakes it so well that she goes to hospital, or has to go in an ambulance, or goes to a doctor, and then claims that she needs regular daily care, sympathy, love, etc, she brings up all the years that she cared for her daughter and all the good things that she has done for her daughter, and talks about sacrifices etc. The daughter feels guilty, gives up her life (mostly) and looks after the mother.
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If you ask a person not to do something, like visit or ask you to places that don’t suit your nature and if they find excuses and ways to break their promise, then this person is manipulating you. Once you know that you know that you don’t need such people in your life anymore, so come down harder on them, even if you don’t want to do so, its all that they will obey is your strong determined will. There is no need to feel guilty, this person has proven that he or she is not a good person and not good for your life, so let them go free of any guilt, even if it is family. What good is family if they are using and abusing your love and compassion, none!

Say a worker contacts you each afternoon and you don’t want them too, so you make it clear that you don’t want them to do so any more. But they make contact and then say, after you object, “Oh, that, I forgot about that!”
That is a clear sign of manipulation and trying to regain control all over again in your life. People who manipulate people always have an excuse why they did what you didn’t want them to do, and they will try to make out that their reason is important and something that you would want to happen. They may even say, “Just this once.” and then it gets back to being a habit again.

I have asked people not to call me because they make me feel so down and they have ignored me and rang again, so I got into the wonderful habit of saying, “Goodbye!” and then hanging up, if they call back I turn off the phone for a while and go watch a movie or something.
Once in the past a friend kept visiting me every week day and talking for hours, gossiping etc. It was driving me crazy, and I had started some electronic courses and I was very eager to study. I read in a motivation course to just take them sternly out of the house. This was so out of my character, but this is what I did.

He was sitting in my kitchen ready for a few hours of complete wasting time and I said, “Well, its time you left. I have things to do. And I walked over to him and took his arm and let him to the door and said, “Goodbye!”
He got the hint and it never happened again. He did visit but for much shorter periods of time. Problem solved.

All the best from James Martin Sandbrook.
‎Friday, ‎12 ‎July ‎2019, ‏‎2:09:52 PM.