Find your ‘space’ to respond, rather than reflexively react…

Think about the person you would like to be, especially in the areas in which you struggle.
For instance, you might not like your tendency to become quickly frustrated in difficult situations, wanting instead to be a patient person. Take the time to develop a clear vision of this more ideal version of yourself.

Think about the meaning or origin of your reactions: There is a reason that you react as you do. It can be very helpful to understand your reactions, and perhaps even their origins. For instance, you might be impatient because you imagine failing to fix problems, and so you experience great anxiety. You might also realize that your parents tended to be critical, leaving you to believe that you always fall short.

Observe the outcome of your reactions:
Pay close attention to the results of your reactions. By bringing negative consequences to your awareness, you will be more motivated to change your reaction to a desired response. With our example, you might note how your impatience makes it impossible for you to effectively solve problems.

Imagine a better response: Think about better ways to respond. Imagine doing them and the consequences of this. Also imagine what it would feel like to respond more in keeping with what you want for yourself. Continuing the example of a problem with impatience, you might envision yourself responding calmly to a problem and then moving on to find your way to an effective solution.

Learn a more compassionate approach to yourself:
Because personal change takes effort and time to accomplish, it is important to support this process within yourself. Being critical will only undermine your efforts. So, instead, practice being understanding and patient with yourself – much as you would be supportive of a child or good friend who is working to develop a new skill.

You very well may need to learn particular skills in making some changes. For instance, you might want to learn skills in assertiveness, anger management, being more social, or relaxation. Psychotherapy can also help you to relieve anxiety or depression, as well as address any other personal struggle. Whatever your situation calls for, you will find creating ‘space’ is an incredibly powerful part of becoming the person you aspire to be.

– Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps. Psychology Today.