Whoops, that was a mistake! Instead of mentally kicking yourself or willfully putting yourself down with gusto, frustration and anger, try to do something about what happened by trying to change the result that you are not happy about, and get some time-out from the situation and calm down.
A mistake is simply a moment in time when you thought of different choices, chose one and it was the wrong choice and now you can correct it because now you know that what you tried didn’t work.
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People throughout our life teach us to feel shame, guilt and they laugh at us, or poke fun at us, or yell and are verbally or physically abusive to us when we make a mistake. By the time we are teenagers or adults we have a very foul taste in our mouth over mistakes and the social-reward for failing. So we can (to defend and protect ourselves) avoid mistakes by being ever so careful and staying home, or growl ourselves first after making a mistake before anyone else gets a chance to abuse us, or we can feel ashamed and self-dislike comes from how society taught us to feel when we made a mistake. Obviously people coverup mistakes through fear of the results of failing in the eyes of their parents and peers etc.
If you care about what others think, and what society demands then you may find that family, friends and society can be very thoughtless and cruel at times when we have honestly slipped up.
Always refer to your own personal life history and see what didn’t work before and be sure to make it work now by doing something different the next attempt.
Ask yourself this “Can any good come from this mistake?” Make a habit of looking for something good to come from the mistake after the mistake has been made.
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Also do the best that you can to clean up the mess or fix the mistake. Be the honorable person that you can be, and step forward when you have made a mistake, people will admire you for this and it is the right thing to do. We all slip-up every now and then so don’t worry too much, create a “We’ll fix it!” attitude. It is right to do what we can to make things right.
Please don’t drag yourself around thinking of what happened with your head drooped and sad. Move on mentally as soon as you can. If others cannot let you forget the mistake distance yourself from them and their toxic views. Show them that there is more to you than what they thought. Please show them that a mistake is but a mere moment in time. If you know people who like to point out your mistakes then create a situation that will change their thinking fast. Create a mental anchor that will pull them away from telling you of your mistake.
If people always put you down or try to force you to live their way the wise thing to do is to distance yourself from them. Some people are just constantly negative and you won’t reach them, they have their own path to live, and you are better off out of it.
I remember reading years ago about a Captain of an oil ship who didn’t listen when he was told that the ship was going to go aground, instead he went back to sleep and the ship “broke its back” and oil spread all around the area killing most of the sea life and causing all sorts of problems. And I thought of was the Captain and what he must have gone through mentally, how he must have suffered for his mistake.
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You see we all make mistakes, some small and some of huge proportions, some silly, some painful. I remember some big mistakes in history that could have been avoided if someone did something else – life is like that sometimes, and I think, “well at least my mistake wasn’t that big” and I think of the person who did the big mistake and instead of laughing at that person, I feel sympathy for it could have been me on that day in that persons frame of mind and made that same mistake.
The best gain from any mistake is to learn from the mistake as soon and possible and hold it in your mind for future reference as a lesson. Don’t worry about making the same mistake a few times, that happens, I have been there a thousand times and so has anyone else. So do learn the lesson and get into the habit of learning the lesson without anyone else telling you to do so.
If you make a mistake it is alright to comfort yourself and note that you have gained knowledge from what went wrong, and that you will never do that mistake again. Let the lesson sink in so that you won’t repeat it, and then put it behind you as you try to discover a way to get it right next time.
Is there a profit to make from the mistake. History shows that there were many mistakes that turned into a profit or gain of some sort for all. Look for that too. One of the greatest gains is to show other people not to make the same mistake that you made, and your loss is their gain. Please be humble and show how wise you are by learning from your mistake and then share your new found wisdom with others, then other people will grow from this event as well.
It is this kind of behaviour in your little place in the world that can help change that part of the world.
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All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
September 28, 2014.
