I know that it probably sounds naive, but for me I thought that love was about people living for each other and not for themselves. What I mean is that I wanted to live for her, the woman who loves me. I wanted to share each day with her, to wake up snuggled to her in bed,and to share sexual contact and make love, to help each other in the morning prepare for the day while chatting, laughing, challenging each other, and being the best of friends.
And if a sad moment came we would be there for each other, always, and always encouraging, but also pushing the other forward, and the end result is that no one is the winner, none above the other, none better than the other, but both in the same feeling of accomplishment even when the other does something great, because
both helped each other and the other couldn’t have made it without them.

Sex would be there, and it would be nice, and it would be something that both enjoyed after much discussion, adventure, and loving. There would be no need to fantasize of others and no need to desperately try to satisfy the other, because sex was not only in the bed, it was satisfied in our whole lives together, and therefore the
satisfaction and loving was delightful from our spiritual love for one another.

The goals in life were happiness and happiness was the journey. Other people, they were important, but no other should would ever be close enough to interfere in the relationship that God put together. And yes, there would be arguments, but as Billy Graham said, God gave him Ruth and they were going to work it out.

You see, there is something really special about being included in the other half’s life. Not just sitting there while they talk with their mates, but put before all others. Knowing that we have a place in life, a place in another’s heart and soul, is enough to remove all that desperation for love, and removes insecurities, and there is no anxiety that the other will leave, because we know in our heart that our place in the other’s heart is secure, set in stone, God’s way, solid as a rock. Happy to be together, happy to have someone, happy to feel secure, safe, loved, and complete.

I have never been this special to anyone, and that was what I wanted, ever since I was a child. The trouble with modern times is that all people cry about love, feel sad about love, cry over love, but they don’t act it out, they crave but don’t do. They are all materialistic minded, and they know that they have this craving within for something (love) and they fill that craving with things, sex, drugs, parties, alcohol, but not love, because they know not love so they can’t have it.

Its like the Good Samaritan. He helps a soul he knows not. He pays for his health care. This guy could be a bad person, could have a bad past, a rapist, pedophile, male prostitute, druggy, wife beater etc, but the Samaritan helps him well knowing that the past and life of this person does not matter, he only knows that this person needs love and help, so he gives it, pays for it. He does not care about the persons past (same as us in marriage) he cares for this person’s well being and hopes that his genuine compassion, love and help will show this person another away.

Like one day she is doing something in the kitchen, chatting to him he is doing something else, and the she stops and a thought hits her, and stops her in her tracks, she looks at him, and then realises that she is home, the place in her heart that she has always wanted to be. But home is not a place or house, it is love with someone who loves her just as equally, fairly, innocently and gently as she loves him, Home is where the heart is most happy and she is finally home, her place of peace, her safe haven, this home is her life, his too, with God looking over their little new family.
Home is where the loving is, a place of spiritual belonging, a place where one knows that they belong, a place where they can be their natural self and enjoy a relaxed state of being so much so that they never want to leave – it is love, God’s way. Two souls entwined in love, they become one.
===
When a man and woman come together in marriage they both are committed to trying the relationship out. Both see something wonderful in their life-partner, something that attracts them to each other. Both have imperfections but they are overlooked in the willingness to see only the joy of being together to share each
others life.

She has a mole on her neck that he may not like later on. He has a birthmark on his leg that she will later see as an imperfection. Neither “appears” is good enough to fill the shoes of the Hollywood star and starlets, neither is as physically sculptured as a mega-sports-star. Neither can fill in the “dreams” of the other. She may have 1 or 2 phobias/fears. He may have tempter problems that don’t come to the surface until the honeymoon is over.

When two people fall in love they often lift the other person above true expectations and put them on a mental pedestal which they can never live up to and this puts a big strain on any relationship, especially if the other person will come to see so-called-imperfections as problems.

These so-called imperfections are what helps make each one of us different in nature and any problems that one person carries into the marriage can be sorted out with the love and total commitment “for better or worse” of the other partner. Marriage is about sticking it out. If the wife has some issues that need sorting out then her husband (and I have read about men and woman who have done this and I certainly would – my future wife has my total commitment, sympathy, love and help) would find the means to support her by being there for her and her problems and help her becomes stronger and be there for her always when she needed him. In this he shows his total commitment for her, his true real love, even when the chips are down and a struggle is there. What can kill a marriage is when the partner gives up, or both give up on each other.

A marriage can be strengthened with true sympathy and compassion. Would she be grateful knowing that the man she loves will stand by her even if she has some issues no matter how serious, she certainly would, and he would feel useful and want to be there at her side no matter what the problems are.

Steadfast and sure, true and loving. Marriage is about both partners standing side by side once the commitment of love is made. Total trust, care and feeding the garden of marriage. Like in the garden the weeds need clearing so that the true blooms can be shown. We want the bliss, but can we deal with the struggles. This
should be thought of before marriage at all times.

Marriage is like the world. Problems rise everywhere and we immediately try to figure out how to sort them out – marriage should be the same. And commitment to do the best for all involved is very important.

Both partners must feel when making the true commitment of marriage that they are going to be fully supported by their partner if they bring struggles into the marriage and while they are married.

Marriage is about two people join together in holy matrimony to form a family. The size of that family is left to God to determine. The parents, as husband and wife can have a truly wonderful life together. They can hold in the centre of their hearts the true essence of the family. They are the strength, the power, the energy
and the good that makes the family what it should be. For all people who are single this is something to look forward to. This is one of the main events of life that we were born to be a part of. For me it is s great pleasure to write on this treasured subject, it is the deeper sense of life, the jewel that shines every time we see
a man and wife holding hands walking down the street smiling and looking at each others faces and showing pleasure a the sight of the one that they are with. Sometimes with children skipping along around them.

Good marriages are not faked wistful dreams. They really happen and all over the world. They are to be read about in so many books in history. If you read the gossip columns you will find great news of marriage, children born and divorce. You have the choice to go for the gold or sit it out in the slums. You want the real
thing then you have to believe in it, and wait on God. When you are sure that God has led you to the right person, you should let that chance go by.

Happy and blissful relationships to you all. God Bless you and I truly wish with all my heart with that you will find the love that I wrote of here.

===
Marriage Love:
The idea of marriage and love is the marriage-joining of two souls physically, spiritually and mentally. The sex act is the consummation (covenant) of the marriage and the start of the new commitment between man and wife.
Before social commercialism and feminism, male and female lived in the same home, stayed together day and night and completed each other and complimented each other. They also healed each other of any past issues and sufferings that they had from their own upbringing’s, no therapists or drugs needed, just simple love, care and concern for each others complete well being.
Common sense and love told them that if they are cured of their own past sufferings that they will not transfer their toxic pasts to their own children and therefore they will be creating something new in each child as each child becomes the soul that he or she was born to be.
A good marriage is about creating something beautiful within the man and wife and not seeking it from outside of their relationship.
Being of opposite genders they became one as each was able to be what the other needed, wanted and relied upon. Both genders are good at some things and so in that way they both were able to make everything work as they worked side by side in harmony and happiness.
To be happily married both genders need to act natural so that their talents can be used productively and positively in the relationship. If she is trying to be a feminist then she is trying to be tough, macho, manly, and therefore her talents as a humble woman are hidden behind a fake version of herself, an unnatural self that will not ever find true love because it is impossible to have true love when one is a fake. Same for the male being macho and trying to use women, be violent etc. Fake does not attract love, it attracts other fakes.
With both genders complimenting one another they then blend into each other in all senses.
The original coming together in marriage is the start of a new Heaven Blessed beginnings, kind of like Noah starting again, and they, she and he, move forward to multiply and start a new creation from themselves, children, love, new lives.
Because they heal each other’s souls, form ideas, plans, dreams for the future, they are bonding in hope, love, for a future that they both desire with each other, and they pass this respect, love, courage, confidence to their children so that the young will grow up and have strong, decent, courageous families as well.
The goal with marriage should always be maturity, growth in all areas, best friends of different genders as one, complete in their differences, quirks, talents and incompleteness, and always growing, changing, adapting to each other, compromising fairly and with concern and love for the other. It is all good because it is genuine love. No competing with each other, rather the opposite, both settling down with
each other finding what they like in each other, delighting in the laughter, good times, and comforting and loving the other in the sad and hard times, together, forever, as one, neither owning the other, yet both belonging to each other.
All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
===
True love is not forceful,
True love is kind,
True love shares,
True love cares.

True love is happy to let a person be themself,
True love gives gentle kind advice,
True love is when people do care for the other without want of return, but grateful for returns anyway
True love is not suspicious,
True love does not accuse or threat,
True love does comfort,
True love fills the heart with deep sentiments and feelings of
“In these arms I am secure and feel I belong forever!”
True Love Is True!
And if you are wise, not worldly, and not materialistic and humble you will find true love because you will look for a heart that is compatible with yours because that is where your true love is, and where your heart lies.

All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
December 4, 2012.
===
Love is:
Fall in love with the person who:
Knows your phone number
Knows how you like your coffee, tea etc
Who cares to try to be with you
Who shows a delighted smile at the sight of you
Who does little things for you that others don’t
Who listen and learns about what you care about
Who puts aside everyone to be with you, “everyone”, no exceptions.
Who knows your favourite colour, cake, food, desert, drink, place, holiday etc.

Love is encouragement.
Love is caring for the one you love more than anything material.

Love is respect. Love is respecting your partners wishes. Love is caring about what the other wants in life and working things out so that both of your ideas and future goals are aligned with one another. Love is understanding
each other, and making the effort with genuine care to share the future in harmony, maturity and peace.

All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
August 5, 2017 at 11:06 AM.
===
How we can lose true love:

One of the problems is that we don’t listen to our soul, instead we listen to people and to our mind, and it is there with other people’s opinions and the logic’s of our own mind (without the heart) we put up walls between us
and our soul-partner.

Those walls are what cause divorce, hatreds, jealousy, anger and so-called reasons to destroy the relationship.

We often hear people say that they are married to someone now, but there is that one in the past that they will never forget. The one that they will never forget is the soul-partner that they walked away from because they let
walls come up between them and the love of their life.

So they spend a life of sadness, a sadness that they cannot explain, and yet there it sits deep in their soul weighing down their happiness and life.

Love is not measured by common-sense, science or logic, and that is why the mind should not be the controlling factor when one is in love.

And once we are in love, we should never, ever, let people come between that love with their opinions and rules, because they do not feel the spiritual call of love that we feel, all they feel is what they have experienced that
has caused them to have the opinions that they have.

The mind can create many walls that limit our growth, limit our freedoms, and limit the love that we receive from others and what we give to others.

When it comes to love, the mind and heart must deal with the matter.

All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
August 6, 2015 at 1:39pm.

Marriage Advice.

• Please, Be Honest.
Little lies can add to big disasters in the future. Please, be honest and don’t let yourself be tempted into telling fibbers once in a while.
• Please keep what is personal between you and your lover personal.
No one else needs to know what goes on in the privacy of your home (unless it is abusive). When we talk about our marriage partner to others in a demeaning way we are showing character weakness and disrespect.
• Respect is very important in marriage. You want to be respected, so please show respect for the one you chose to marry.

• Appreciate your partner.
It is very easy to become disappointed about work, other people, your own issues like putting on weight or making mistakes to start snapping at yourself and also at your partner. From then it becomes a habit, a very nasty habit. A good loving soul will put up with emotional abuse for a long time, but then eventually they will go.

Years ago I read about a man in his 80’s who was tired of his wife’s nagging. He got up from the breakfast table, walked across the room, got a gun out of a drawer and shot her. Asked why after so many years of marriage he did such a thing, and he said, “She has been nagging me non-stop for the last 30 years and finally I couldn’t stand it anymore”. Marriage should not be about driving the other person crazy.
Please, do some soul searching once in a while, study what you think, do and say – a running mouth can be a very nasty weapon that will destroy another’s happiness and your own.
This old mans mistake was putting up with her nagging for so long, and her mistake was allowing herself to get into the habit of nagging and not noticing the serious damage she was doing to their relationship.
*
• When one of the two feels that he or she is not appreciated in the relationship this feeling will build and build and then when they meet someone else (predator or just an innocent nice person) who acts like he or she really appreciates that person then an affair can develop from this or even divorce.
It is a very sad situation when one partner feels more appreciated by someone out of the marriage than in it. Please don’t let this happen to your marriage.
*
• That greeting kiss can be forgotten with time and it can just become a careless, “Hi!” when one walks in the door.
Love is a very spiritual joining of two souls, but it is wise to note that both the spiritual and physical side of the relationship are important.
The small simple things really count. The random hugs, jokes, time away from home, gardening “together”, playing the fool together, running together or cycling, going to the gym together, doing he housework together.
Look back and ask yourself what was it that you both used to do that you loved doing so much together?
Find out why you stopped doing it and then find ways to be what you both once were.
*
• United we stand, divided we fall.
Married couples can become divided emotionally and this can start the rot in the relationship that will eventually break the foundation of love that formed the marriage in the first place.
This dividing can come in the shape of regrets, bad feelings for the other that have not been dealt with, lack of communication, and other people (friends and family) interfering.
Please don’t let life or people (no matter who they are) divide your relationship – your love for each other is the foundation of the marriage. Please keep it strong, you should be best friends, a team strong enough to stay as one
against all obstacles that come your way.
• Communication.
In the beginning of a relationship the two appreciated each other, saw amazing things in the other, had hopes in the relationship and being with the other etc. Most importantly they both put aside time from other people, work and family, to talk to each other, and shared dreams, ideas, desires, feelings, sometimes to talk about the past (healing), and in doing so both looked forward to this time together.
Later in the relationship with busy job schedules, other obligations (family etc), the introduction of child after child, the loving communication that once existed gets put aside and is sacrificed for less important things like workload.

Communication is very important in a relationship and it is not only verbal. Marriage is also about body communication, like hugs, nudges, caressing, massaging the others shoulders when they look tired, holding hands, a kiss
on the cheek, arm around the shoulder, touches, little fingers (pinky’s) locked in embrace, gentle rubs and touches etc.
*
When you are very tired, had a hard day, or just overworked you can really feel good about your marriage partner when he or she steps up and takes over what you are doing to make your life or day better. It really is felt deep down in the soul and very much appreciated when our partner sacrifices his or her own time to make our life easier or more enjoyable. Marriage should be about deliberate efforts to love and care for the other.
*
• Stepping forward to volunteer to help the other makes the other feel appreciated, loved, worthy and that he or she is in the right relationship – “it is very important to think that we are in the right relationship”.
For instance she has had a hard day with the children, housework and has a headache. So while she is doing the dishes and he sees or “reads” her situation and he either dries the dishes or he leads her to a chair, makes her a
drink and does the dishes for her. Then when he comes back he gives her shoulders a massage, and asks about her day taking the time to reassure her that she is worthy, loved, appreciated and he is the happiest guy in the
world for having wonderful this woman as his own wife.
*
A mistake some men have made is to assume that the housewife’s work is not as important as his. What he does not realise is that if she collapses in some way so does the whole family unit. She is very worthy and the most
important cog in the family machine that he needs to appreciate and look after because if she breaks down it all breaks down.
*
• We are creatures of habit and in relationships we can fall into bad habits and like bricks crumbling in a wall, eventually the wall will collapse, and so will a marriage.
It is the little things that people do for one another that makes them feel that life is right and they are doing right, are in the right place with the right person.

• If you have something loving to say to the other let go of pride, say it, be very generous with your love to your marriage partner. If you were angry at your partner for something yet feel the desire to hug them, then go hug
them (pride is the enemy in marriage). Marriage is not a competition, so please don’t love to compete and win against the other. Love should be gentle and relaxing like a hug as they sink into each others bodies gratefully and
happily.

A hug between lovers should be like collapsing into a warm cosy bed after working outside in the cold, it feels like heaven on earth, meaning that your marriage partner feels like heaven on earth and both should feel that there is no other place on the planet that they would rather be 🙂

Love and Lust:
Love is the whole deal, the complete person, a relationship.
Lust is sex.

Love is desire for the other person to make love with. Love is wanting the person, his or her time, to be with that person, waking up with that person, the pleasure of making that person a meal, the pleasure of being a listening ear and having someone who enjoys listening to you. Love is so much more, so deep, so fulfilling.

Lust is carnal, just wanting the person for the one thing, an act of sex. It is empty and satisfies only the body. A person can have sex and feel terrible afterwards because their heart was not in it or they felt used, or weak, or ashamed because they did it because they couldn’t control themselves.

If someone tells you that you are lusting for someone, or that you are infatuated, or that you are obsessed with someone, especially sexually, then get alone and think, “Do I want all of him/her, or do just want sex?”

If you desire sex with this person, eating together, time together, holding hands, talking, being sentimental, kissing, etc, then it is not lust or an infatuation etc, because the feelings that you feel are telling you something far more than you wanting the sex act only. In fact, if you feel that you want to live with this person, have
children with this person, and have an intimate relationship, then you are probably in love.

It is wise to know the differences between lust and love

===

All the best from James Martin Sandbrook.