by James M Sandbrook
The intent of sex was in a relationship between a male and female, and the result of deep love was the child, the fruit of the love, the result of the love and physical/spiritual act.
Once married and having discovered the pleasures of innocent clean love making he and she realise that the only person who will satisfy them in this way is each other and being responsible and wanting the best marriage possible each only see’s sexual satisfaction in the other.This does not mean that either partner uses sex to gain of the other, it means that the sex is icing on the cake for a love that was formed before the sex.
Meaning he and she fell in love, did not have sex or any sexual behaviour, but fell for each others characters, found that they had the same feelings childhood dreams, loved the dame things, found the same things important, wanted the same things, then they found out after sex that there was even more to the loving, and in this amazing delightful way to love one another they create another human being “together”, and this new human being is their special gift to the world, a part of both, a child to love help form and guide until an adult.
There is so much positive value to sex in the right arena, the right place (God’s version of marriage), that it becomes known to the two as a special pleasure that only they will ever share with each other. It is their special time, their special fun, their special intimate moments, and the day is the building up for that nights pleasure, or if no one is around that morning or afternoon pleasure.
They discover that they find each other’s character a pleasure to be with, to have innocent joyful fun with, play with, hug with, love, and that sexual pleasure is pleasure with the character we find pleasurable at all times, day and night. This is why real love lasts, because it is the whole human being you fall in love with not just the sex, or the money, or whatever materialistic selfish things we are told today is marriage.
When two people love each other they don’t seek pleasure elsewhere, meaning sexual or friendship pleasure, because their while pleasure is with each other as if they were one, an unseperable couple, love.
Honestly, think about it, what else would God have created, but true love that two could share in total innocence and joy, that would bring happiness and make happiness the journey not what once chases each weekend and never finds.
A materialistic minded person assumes that he or she knows what love is. But when approached by a person who really loves them as a complete person, the material minded person assumes that this loving person wants them for sex, or maybe even material gain.
Like the song, “Baby, I’d love you to want me.” The sexually materialistic person could see that as, “I would love to have sex with you and you to want sex with me.”, But the loving soul really means, “I would love all of you. Your life. You, as my friend, lover and partner for life.”
A gentleman or lady may not even think of sex, because all they can think of is being with the person they love with a completeness of their entire soul.
The gentle soul can only watch with heartbreak and sorrow as the one they fell so heavily for walks away with pride and vanity sure that they had pegged the good loving soul as evil and after only one thing, sex.
A person who has not felt heartache and true love has no idea when it is standing right in front of them, they will check back with their soul made of apathy and assume that the loving soul is bad, a stalker, something to avoid for sure.
Probably so many years down the way he or she will have come to understand what love is through life’s trials and experiences and then see the one they tossed so carelessly away and judged so cruel, and realise that they love this person.
One of the things I want to teach people in this apathetic age is what empathy and genuine lover is, so that they will not make the foolish mistakes their parents and grandparents made. By doing this, their children will all know the love that people like me will probably never know, but we do know that it exists and is available for all.
What we don’t know we can’t see in others, but we can sadly assume that what we are and what we have experienced is what the other person is, and that is a huge mistake.
A fact may people need to get straight before marriage is that sex often lasts a very short period of time, so choosing a partner because of sexual attraction is a huge mistake. They say that intelligence is sexy, kindness is sexy, love is sexy, the whole person’s character is sexy and turns the partner on, not just the physical looks and a person’s current sexual desires for you which may disappear after a year or so, or even months if this person really has a terrible character that he or she has been hiding from you for so long just to wrap you up in commitments to them.
And remember, you may get good sex for 20 minutes of the day, but you have to live with this person for the rest of the day. This is why you see so many women with some guy that all the other women want and yet she is so emotionally unhappy and dissatisfied with her life, because she went with him to satisfy others, to get laid, but now realises that she really doesn’t like his character at all. But too late, she is now committed to him and a child is on the way. She is responsible, so will stay in a relationship that is dissatisfying and makes her feel incomplete and used
Many males are very much into the “quickie”, a quick dash at it and off to work, or off to a friends place, etc, just a splash of sex to satisfy himself and off to do his thing, she becomes a sex organ to be used and abused at his leisure. The big problem with this is that this has a woman who doesn’t want sex with others becoming very frustrated and eventually buying sex toys and having affairs. Your marriage partner must be on the same level as you, if in doubt then don’t!
The reason for large families in the past was because there was no TV, just hours in bed talking, making love and sleeping 🙂
How it was meant to be. With children around during the daytime, no schooling then, no sex during the day, so they developed a strong desire for each other all day, touching, hugging, caressing, looks of “I want you!”, and then when the children went to bed it was strong highly powered gentle sex, little noise, and two very sensitive lovers gently making love to the other. The sex lasted a long time, the talking, hugging, getting on, happened in between. It wasn’t animalistic, it was beautiful, and both came out of it satisfied and slept very deeply, satisfied all through, in each others arms.
Healing each others souls was a part of this. They, as the bestest of friends, lovers, cared for each other completely and totally, and wanted the best for each other. If either was hurting the other hurt, life for them was about making sure the other was healed, just like making sure that a cut on their own hand healed, the other person was a true spiritual extension of themselves.
What kills sex today is masturbation, sex toys, fantasizing etc, because with constant sexual manipulation of the sex organs comes desensitisation (unless someone has a sex or masturbation addiction), they become numb, not so sensitive and then need much more manipulation to reach that desperately desired orgasm, they bring in sexual fantasizing (many people are encouraged in therapy to fantasize about sex with others while having sex with their wife or husband – trouble with this is that it leads to affairs
because people are opening their mind to sex out of that marriage), and with the numbness comes dissatisfaction with “normal sex” and a strong desire to find it elsewhere, or to find exciting sex, or in some other way like bringing in another sex partner, immoral sex, indecency, joining sex groups, orgies, swingers, and even child sex groups etc.
The beautiful act that was supposed to happen at night between two lovers highly charged sexually for each other, becomes a cheap immoral desire to reach an orgasm, it becomes selfish, takes over the mind, and people create lives around it, they think of it all day, they buy it off prostitutes, they read about it in books, magazines, admire nude bodies in images and videos, they eventually lose all reality of what sex was intended for, and their marriage and lives are a reflection of it, especially their depression, anxieties, fears and worries, because they are all emotionally mixed up, confused and are not having their true loving sexual, spiritual and mental needs met, they are always left wanting.
Natural Sex is not dirty, disgusting gross, or bad, it is the most amazing satisfying intimate spiritual and physical connection between a man and woman.
Before marriage anyone can say that they agree with what I wrote above, they are wanting your body, the want sex with you, they will agree to anything, but does their character, true nature, kindness, sensitiveness match what I wrote above, which category do they fit into, the immoral type or the true genuine decent loving companion, a lover of the most amazing kind.
We should marry a person who is on our own mental level, who wants the same things we do, no faking, no accepting some things from them that you don’t like because those things can when added up in marriage can become big deal breakers, marriage destroyers, so think carefully, look at the person’s character all the time, watch their eyes, see who they talk to when they think that you are not around, talk to their friends, work mates and follow your instincts, like do you really want this person touching you when not having sex, do you really want this person touching you intimately, and do you really want to share your innermost desires, thoughts, secrets and tears with this person? If you have doubt walk away. Your needs are far more important than getting laid once a day by some faker or someone who is not matched to your soul.
In the past they used to say (before the sexual revolution) that a good man who loves children, is a hard worker, is kind to all, and with treat his woman and children with respect was a big turn on for a woman, and that is why she married him, because he completed the big picture for her, everything that she thought was important for a good marriage, decent husband, good father and a happy life side by side.
You will never regret turning down a bad deal that was wrapped perfectly, let that person go, there are billions out there, don’t sell yourself short, your happiness, love life and enjoyment was not intended for all the people in the world except 1, and that is the person who God will constantly bring to you, so keep a look out, love is there, on its way, or right before you, take notice, because that person was chosen for you as a gift from God, for your pleasure I all senses, to help you, heal you, complete you and to walk side by side with you to God’s chosen destiny for you both.
If a materialistic minded person turns down true love because they don’t recognise love because they have never known it, they will choose a partner of convenience and they will be in a relationship that involves sex, children, but is really a friendship which they assume is love, but in reality it is nothing but apathy playing happy families, and that is why there are so many divorces today, the world has far more apathy than empathy these days.
People who don’t know how to love can’t love, but they can pretend, have sex, and then divorce many times.
All the best from
James M Sandbrook.