Narcissistic mother’s smear campaign involves lies, gossip and slander.
You can be the target of a narcissist’s smear campaign for numerous reasons. It can be anything from her insane jealousy, to her suspecting you see the truth about her, to concealing abuse or even for simply disagreeing with her.
My narcissistic mother was inordinately concerned about her image, her false image. So even if you did nothing but cause her to look bad by comparison in any way, even if only in her own eyes, she used the smear campaign. It is just one more form of intimidation and bullying used by abusive, manipulative narcissistic mothers.
Ultimately, the reason for narcissistic mother’s smear campaign is she is a narcissist. While the slanderous lies and gossip intensified at times for some of the above reasons, my narcissistic personality disordered mother’s smear campaigns never really stopped.
Narcissistic personality disordered mothers are notorious liars. She will lie to cause herself to look better. She will lie to cause you to look bad, crazy or unstable. She will lie to you about what others have said about you. She will lie to you about what others have done or put a negative spin on the factual events.
Narcissistic mothers will lie to others about what you have said. She will lie about what you have done or put a negative spin on even the kindest of gestures. She will lie to her children about the other children in order to divide and conquer, keeping herself as the hub in the middle who controls the flow of information.
She will lie to try to convince you no one really likes you, but they all love her. This is to demoralize you while she works to make it a reality. Of course, everyone loves her. That is except for anyone who is presently doing anything she does not approve of, in which case you will hear of how they are treating her so poorly for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The accounts of these unprovoked attacks are often her attempt to control your attitude toward someone else, such as a sibling relationship she is slyly attempting to sever.
The Smear Campaign to Discredit the Scapegoat:
Like all abusers, narcissistic mothers will use a smear campaign for premeditated damage control in anticipation of exposure. My alcoholic pedophile step-father used a smear campaign during the years he sexually abused me, as well as continuing it once I became an adult. My narcissistic mother helped him in mostly covert ways, then continued to build on the false accusations after his death.
His smear campaign was first and foremost to keep me quiet about the abuse. Secondly, it was an attempt to discredit and isolate me so no one would believe me should I decide to tell someone about his abuse. My narcissistic mother did the same thing.
I recall as a 12 year old child hearing my mother tell my grandmother that I was a liar. When she realized I heard her she made me leave the room, confused and upset as to why my mother was telling my grandmother such a thing.
Years later I discovered it was because my grandmother was confronting my mother about her ongoing concerns that my step-father was sexually abusing me. She wanted to ask me if he was and my mother was telling her it would not matter anyway since I was allegedly a liar. My mother was running interference for a pedophile. My grandmother was right, so my mother played the victim while vilifying the true victim to poison the mind’s of the younger children against their grandmother.
My narcissistic personality disordered mother used smear campaigns against her scapegoat children, anyone she was jealous of, anyone who saw her true colors and anyone who attempted to hold her accountable.
The Triangulation of Gossip
Ideally, when someone has an issue with you, they speak directly to you about it. However, in dysfunctional families and relationships, the person may speak to everyone but you about it. It is speaking to a third-party about something that should be addressed directly with the other person involved.
Some people may do this out of habit or because they never learned healthier ways to communicate. Some may be concerned by the reaction they might get should the issue be addressed directly. Then there are those who do this intentionally for manipulation, character assassination and smear campaigns.
Narcissistic Mother’s Prolific Gossiping:
The Oxford Dictionary defines gossip as “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.”
Gossip is speaking about someone, including details that are not confirmed to be true, who is not present to defend themselves. Gossip often involves:
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° Slander – lies about a person that cause damage.
° Secretly telling others personal information that may be true, but was trusted to the gossip as private or confidential.
° Backbiting – spreading spiteful information without the person being there to defend themselves.
° Mockery – presenting the gossip in the form of a joke at the expense of the person being discussed.
° Planting seeds of doubt, distrust or discord with lies, innuendo or implication.
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*Note: In answer to a question posted in the comments on Facebook, reaching out for help or refusing to keep an abuser’s toxic secrets is not gossiping.
– Gail Meyers.