There are many cases of parents having a favourite, or even a few of the children are favourites.

I know of a lady who had the eldest child as a favourite child, then later on the fourth child was her new favourite, and then her sixth child was her favourite and then finally the seventh which was the last child was the favourite child. This treatment caused great distress in that family, and the children of that family (including those that were favourite children) suffered mentally from this treatment of them.

As a parent it can truly be a task sometimes not to have one of your children that you are closer to, or prefer to spend your time with. One of the greater crimes is when a parent treats one of his or her children as a good friend to the extent that this causes bitter feelings from the rest of the family.

Sometimes one child may stand out from the rest, especially if that child is good at school written work or math etc. People label that child a wonder-child. If people other than your family choose to like (or adore) your child then you may have some serious problems with the rest of the children in your home.

Some people even have favourite children in another family, even though these people have their own children living at home with them. Some of this persons children may even be of the same age as the child they have good feelings for in another family. And some people will put a child, some children or all the children “before” the other parent in the family. All forms of favourites are a form of cruelty.

Having a favourite child is a sure way to cause unhappiness and unneeded emotional stress. A family is a wonderful group of people (as you would already know) who are grouped in a physical bond and a group of people who have a common bonding of love for each other. Choosing any child and putting it before the other children in the family is a form of cruelty for all involved. This may not be physical cruelty but it can be just as lethal and this cruelty can last many years and the emotional pain can last a lifetime. Brother and sister relationships can be harmed for life and husband and wife relationships can be destroyed as well.

I am sure that there are many parents, guardians, school teachers, care-givers, Kindergarten teachers/guardians and other people who are involved in child rearing, who have favourites but don’t even know that they are doing it. You probably have heard of the “Teachers Pet”, this is another form of having a favourite and those who have been teachers pets and those who were in the class witnessing the teacher having a favourite child to give special treatment to will agree that it is no happy situation. Anger, jealousy, dislike and possibly even hatred are a few of the feelings that are a result of a teacher having a teachers pet.

Can we bring up our children without having favourites? We sure can. And can this be done in a happy and positive manner? Yes it can.

A parent must try to be conscious that his or her child could be accidentally treated as a “favourite child. But I do mention that it is not something to be in your thoughts at all times while you are bringing up your children. You just need to be aware that a problem could arise and you should also listen to comments from your own children and other people who may claim that a child is a favourite and that this child gets “special” treatment. You should also be aware that other people could treat your child as a “special child” and then give your child special treatment and possibly even emotionally put your child ‘on a pedestal’.

If you suspect that your child is getting harmful special treatment do talk to the person involved (school teacher or somebody like that I would presume) and try to get this treatment stopped. Do listen to that persons reasons though, and hopefully a logical answer can come from the discussion.

We parents, we really love to think that our child is very special. We hope that our child may be above average, or even well above the grades of the other children. And we feel so proud when we are told that our child is special. It feels that we are special because our child does so good at school or whatever. But I do wonder if it is wise to ever consider our children to be “special”, or a super achievers, or that super gifted sports child. Encourage your children by all means, but do be careful that you are not giving your children or child a lot of future grief just to give you that “special feeling” of being the child’s parent. To some people their Claim To Fame is by having a “special child” or a favourite child who that parent or parents can be very proud of.

Be watchful as a parent. Parents need to watch for many things on a constant basis. One of the special things we need to learn is to be watchful but never to worry to much about what “may” happen. By being watchful just as we watch for many other things that may be a problem with our children, we should also be aware that we could make a mistake and lean toward one of our children and in some manner leaving the other children out.

An obvious choice for a favourite child is clearly the eldest child. The eldest child gets all the best attention when he or she is the first to be born. This child gets mother and fathers great joy of being the first, a special title, a title that will never be forgotten and no other child will ever be able to take that title away from the eldest child. Parents are often very happy with the first child. As this child grows he or she gets lots of love, and lots of mothers and fathers individual attention. The children yet to be born will more than likely never really get this kind of attention because they were born second and third etc.

As you can see it is easy to make the first child the special favourite child. This child will posses great knowledge over the other children, the ones yet to be born. This eldest child has often some great responsibilities. This eldest child also has the choice of being a good child or a bad child. But if a child is a favourite child, there is a reasonable chance that this child may be a bad child, possibly spoilt and hard to handle. After all this child knows that he or she is special.

All the best from
James Martin Sandbrook.
Monday, ‎21 ‎August ‎2006, ‏‎10:35:48 PM.