Parenting & Children Notes.

Teenagehood is a time of change.

This is not a new statement, but I do think that it is worth repeating here. Teenagers have a lot of stress laid upon them from adult people. Part of a teenagers confusion is that he or she is told that they are adults (the older teens) or young adults. Young adults is a popular name attached to teenagers in schools. The teachers unwisely hope that if they call teenagers this then the teenagers will act more mature. But these teachers do not often see the side affect which is the stress laid upon the teenagers when they are expected to be something that they are not.

Why are teenagers today not as mature as teenagers of the past? Mostly I would lay the blame on the upbringing of these children “by today’s society”. Please note that I didn’t lay the blame on the parents, although many parents themselves are victims of the same social upbringing as their children.

An often talked about problem for teenagers is the physical growing that they go through during this period of their lives. But we must at all times be aware that teenagers have gone through these “growing pains” all through human history. This fact alone should give us enough confidence to know that this shouldn’t used as an excuse for the way that modern teenagers behave.

Children (and teenagers) often find adults confusing and adults find teenagers confusing. There appear to be many reasons for this confusion.

How come your children don’t act like you do? There could be many reasons for this behaviour. But here is one that is common in these modern times. It is a well known scientific fact that people have that same amazing copy-cat ability that monkeys are well known for – “Monkey See Monkey Do”. It stands to reason that when your children are with you they will copy many of the things that you do. But when you children spend a large amount of time away from you then it should be clear that those children will act less like you, right! Simple logic. But imagine this, if your children are mostly in the company of somebody else then your children will act, think and behave more like that person.

That sounds a bit scary when we think of it. many, many parents are starting their children’s lives with child care services. Each family will have many reasons that they wish to do this. The after affects could be very damaging to the family and society as a whole in the future for that child. So some children spend their first years in child care situations, then they spend many hours at school, and some are in some sort of child care or babysitting situations due to the parents working late regularly. When the weekend comes some confusions and frustration can be found in the home due to these large separations between the family members. Mostly because the family members grow apart and don’t really know each other.

How can a child “know” his parents when those parents are not around that child often as a parent should be? The child is a little image in many ways of his parents, as was often said in the past “He is the image of his mother and father”. This “image” was visual and mental. In order for your child to understand you, he or she must spend lots of time with you. He must do this to get to know you, to learn to understand you, to learn of the ways that you act and react to situations, but most of all, to know that you love him and are willing to put aside other things to be with him during “your day”.

To know your child is to be with your child. You cannot understand or know your children if you are not with those children on a regular basis – everyday and during the daylight hours spending quality time together. Just as your child will need to be with you to know you, you must also be with your child to get to know your child.

In the past it was important that a father spent many hours with his sons, playing, teaching and showing how to be a man. Mothers were known to spend good quality time with their daughters, playing, guiding, teaching them and showing them how to be a woman. The children learnt their parts in life by imitating their parents and from the knowledge they were taught. This knowledge came from parents who knew that they had to pass on this information. They did it because they loved their children and because they “knew that they had to do it”. It helps preserve humankind. The children grew up knowing their place in society, they knew their parents and their parents knew them.

So for your children to grow up knowing you and what you want of them they must be with you. You cannot have it both ways.

Put another way, you cannot get to know your future husband or wife without first spending some time with him or her. It just cannot be done without some decent time together. And if those two people after they are married then hardly spend any time together, they will become strangers to each other as time goes by. And as strangers they cannot relate to each other, they cannot share the same feelings and love with strangers (not husband and wife love).

If you as a parent or guardian of children really want a relationship, not just any relationship, we are speaking of a close caring and loving relationship with your children then you must spend lots of good quality time with them.

All the best from
James Martin Sandbrook.
Friday, ‎24 ‎February ‎2006, ‏‎11:43:18 PM.