Home – Computing – Fitness – How to… Motivation – Product Reviews – Stories – Tips – Disclaimer.
When we grow up with a domineering parent (or two) we are subjected to being dominated when in reality to grow and mature we need to be free, to act as we feel good to act, react, do and feel.
As human beings we need to make mistakes and feel good about them, because the mistakes and life experiences teach us how to progress with each success and failure that we personally experience in life. We know this and are happy to make mistakes to improve our mental growth and physical abilities.
Domineering parents can cause us to fear making mistakes, and to be nervous around them, thus we cannot cope, react naturally or be natural around such people.
Thus the natural feelings of accomplishment and success from making mistakes feel different in the hoe of domineering parents and this causes us to fear being shamed, told off, or laughed at for our mistakes, even though all those who laugh at us make the same kinds of mistakes at other times.
When the person is older, he or she can become submissive, very submissive, or very angry.
The systems in place to deal with misguided and badly behaved or struggling young adults tend to take on the problem from that point, and they seem to believe that what the problem-person is as they appear before them is who they are, and often that it is only the problem child/problem persons fault, and they approach dealing with the problem person that way.
Those of autjhority assume that the child or young adult is at fault personally for such a bad attitude or weakness as a people pleaser and such behaviours.
The years up to 12 are the years of life Education that we had up to that point were filled with demands and control from that domineering parent, thus the child has only ever heard his or her entire life up to that point the controlling push and direction from that demanding or domineering parent/s.
By the time that a mind doctor has reached the misbehaving teenager all that the teenager knows is being dominated, pushed around, and some lose their will to do basically anything and the others want to fight and hurt others just as their domineering parent and probably other adults have done to he or she.
To help what seems like such a hopeless case seems impossible.
If the young adult is punished he or she feels horrified about being punished and made responsible for feeling helpless, hopeless, unworthy and not being able to cope.
The young adult, mentally not formed to be capable and courageous, is at a loss to explain his or her situation, feelings, lack of control, and in frustration can become violent or abusive. Punishment does not help because punishment is like a stamp of failure proving that the young adult is unworthy and a fool, and causes even more frustration. Punishment can feel like he or she is being labelled.
The person who is struggling, like the rest of us, wants and needs to be understood. If there is any feeling or distrust due to not being given the change to talk, explain his or her feelings, or frustrations with themselves and life, they know that they are not that important enough to actually be heard.
When punished on a regular basis or moved from home to home, jail to jail, center to center, they feel like cattle being shipped around, and the feeling of not being worthy, important or wanted grows with each change.
Young Adults,teenagers and such are not stupid.
They maybe struggling and confused but they are not stupid.
And as life goes on and he or she is constantly corrected or pushed by that domineering parent and society, the young adult/teenager notices all the flaws of the person or people making the accusations and setting the punishment and it can feel like people who don’t know what they are doing and make many mistakes themselves (as we all do) are unjustfully picking on the young adult/teenager, thus all the punishments and lectures are ignored because one needs to feel that the authority actually has some form of wisdom and knowledge before he or she can correct them.
Also deep within, subconsciously, they may know that the domineering (Narcissist) is at fault for all the young adults problems and the cause of the teenagers suffering and mental struggles.
You see, when a person is not grown by two mature parents the young adult is incapable of controlling his or her emotions because he or she was never taught how to control their emotions, or how to be strong willed, or how to cope in the important emotional experiences that he or she will encounter according to their gender.
Humans today have this weird belief that since our body grows we grow in maturity, our coping skills grow, the use of common sense and logic the same as everyone else, but the reality is that we can not have all these things due to how we were brought up. We need to be taught so much as we grow physically so that our minds match our physical growth.
If our parents were never there for us, always working and doing their own thing, or that they are abusive, emotionally, physically, sexually, then we didn’t grow mentally, we just grew enough in the mind to survive, thus as older adults, teenagers and such we are living in a constant state of Survival Mode, yet society claims that it is our fault that we are not coping and have mental struggles.
To blame the suffering and to let those who caused the suffering off is a cruelty in itself, and those in the medical profession eager to get money tend to avoid offending people who have titles, money, fame and so on, thus letting such people off.
Frustration builds fast because deep within there is a child that never grew up and is screaming that life is not fair, and that life is unjust because the young adult is unable to express his or her feelings because he or she has no idea how they came to be this person, or the enemy of their parents or society, and this is also why they seek to be older and delve into casual sex, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, parties, so that they can do something that makes them feel worthy, capable and a part of society, just something to feel societies version of normal like everyone else is.
Back in the 1970s the officials didn’t have deadlocks, rings in their noses, tattoos, because to have such things showed that they were immature.
Today it is considered normal by modern social standards not to judge even the weirdest of things, thus social conditioning and DEI caused basically anyone to become basically anything, just as long as he or she did their exams.
Trouble is, for the young adult who is lost, confused, and told not to put rings in their nose, or do drugs, or have tattoos, or party, those who are in authority who correct the young adult seem just as foolish as the young adult, because they or many do drink, do drugs, cover themselves in makeup, have tattoo’s, and look like people who never grew up or matured.
The old standards separated the people in authority to the people being helped in looks, mental state, maturity, and so on. It was very clear who was the mature stable coping person and who was not – but this does in many cases not exist today.
For instance the cop who just pulled you over in your car can look just the same except uniform as those who you just left at the party. Or the therapist appointed to you can look like your party mates or dealer.
Its hard to respect someone who calls you a fool who looks like you do.
More respect was given to authorities of the past when they did not look like the criminals that they want arrested.
Looking mature, capable, and in control gave the lost minded something to see that showed what they could be if they got their life in order.
A person brought up in a home where both parents are not selfish, and actually teach each child about life according to his or her gender will help form a young adult who is capable, has few fears, no anxieties, and faces challenges as if they are fun, interesting and each challenge teaches that person something.
The problem with modern society is that we are taught to think of ourselves, our goals, our own achievements, and to get our problems solved, such as putting the child to the side and out of the way each day so that we can reach our dreams.
But in doing so we unknowingly don’t teach our children of what we know of life, love, romance, forever marriage, parenting, coping, what we learned, who and what to avoid, what to expect in life, what to expect if we abuse our minds and body, especially how to take on challenges, how to cope in difficult situations, and how to not conform and be like the weaknesses of the masses.
In our attempts to be happy and reach our own goals, we leave our children wanting for our experiences in life, our wisdom and advice, thus creating accidentally a world of lost young adults who have missed out on the very important Life learning, and Life Wisdom that parents used to pass on to their children because of their concern for their children futures.
Because the young adults mind us not trained or taught of Life Education the young adult can let out negative energy in various ways that can cause others stress, fears, and pain.
The goal in Mental health should be to teach the young adults to help grow themselves in to maturity and to vent their feelings, energy and life in more positive activities that make their life constructive, happier, and more focused on ways to life that they were never taught as children.
One of the reasons that I have signs on my fence that are positive is that as a child these nice, motivational, inspirational, and helpful sentences were never said to me. I never really heard such things until I was in my 30s when I read some motivational books. So, I hope that children and young adults passing by may read something that is useful, helpful and gives them positive feelings about themselves even if no one at home or even school tells them such things.
I never knew that I could talk to myself in positive supportive kind ways as a child, and plenty of adults were informing me that I was hopeless and a letdown. So I learned first hand that children can seem to have nice supportive parents but the reality is that the parents are not helpful or supportive. leaving the child struggling as a young adult.
All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
– Home –
Character. Character Assassination. Children. Computing. Crosswords. Driving. Education. Electronics. Garden/Yard. Good Man Images. Fitness/Health. Homeschooling. House Ideas. How To. Interesting & Helpful Videos. iPad. Jokes. Kitchen/Cooking. Love, Courting and Marriage. Mechanics/Machines. Motivation/Advice. Movies. Music. Narcissism, Abusers & Covert Manipulators. NZ. OOS/RSI. Parenting Idea’s, Tips, Thoughts etc. People. Personal Care. Parenting & Children – Notes. Photography. Plumbing. Poetry. Product Reviews. Projects. Proverbs. Religion. Reviews.
Sewing. Skills/Hobbies. Slang. Stories & Books. Tips.
Tools. Toxic Parenting. Whats It Mean? Women. Words. Woodwork. Woodwork Basic Lessons.
===
===
© 2021-2025 – James Martin Sandbrook. All Rights Reserved.