Narcissists know that if we lose control that we will do something wrong and then they can use that to make us feel guilty.
An ex used to do that to me. I am a very good debater, and she knew that. So what she would do was to keep frustrating me in various ways, and eventually I would say something unkind to her (this is saying something out of character, but exactly what she wanted me to do) and then she would lay the guilty treatment on me. “How could you say such a cruel mean thing?” etc.
She might shame me for being cruel, unkind, weak and nasty, etc. It was all designed so that she would win the argument and get her way.
If the narcissists victim is meek etc, then the narcissist will try to bring up a guilty feeling from the victim and milk it for as much as they can.
If she (my ex) did her work well then I would spend the day or a few hour upset at myself for losing it, being angry at myself for saying mean things that I didn’t mean, and she could use this moment of weakness in future arguments much like a lawyer, brings up a previous case to prove a point.
Also in this game of mind we can feel unconfident, and defeated, all the feelings that the narcissists wants us to feel.
For me the simplest way to deal with such a person was to stop the relationship.
All the best from James Martin Sandbrook.
Saturday, 11 July 2015, 9:34:41 AM.