Helping People grow!

I woke up with this title for an article based on people being carefully manipulated into doing things that they really don’t want to do by people who have a hidden agenda, some reason they want a person to do something, and the reason is not obvious or even known by the person who is being manipulated.

In my Facebook History I found the article I wrote about James Herriot and how his friend was always cleverly manipulating James into getting drunk, even when James was constantly saying, “no!”.

You see, Granville already saw the weakness in James before they even sat down for a drink, and all he had to do was apply some charm, some good times, friendship, and he had James weakly in the palm of his hands.

Maturity means being strong willed so much so that we don’t give in once we have put up a boundary.

I take great rejoicing in saying, “No!” and then sticking to it even when other people get upset.

But manipulation, is when they see a weakness.
For instance women could be a weakness for a male or a previous lesbian, because the woman could apply seduction knowing that the man or woman who was once a lesbian found pleasure in the past from the female body so this weakness by the manipulator can be exploited if they can find a way to bring the person’s boundaries down by seduction or alcohol, drugs and so on.

Friendship is another manipulating tool.
A person is cleverly installed into the life of the one they want to manipulate.
The person being manipulated thinks that it is nice to have such a joyful, fun, happy, trusted friend around, and as the weeks go by the “friendship” grows (but only on one side because the so-called friend is a manipulator).

After some good times, laughter, and walls coming down and any suspicion fading fast, they sit and have some alcohol, and the victim refuses a drink.
But as the friends get more and more drunk the victim feels left out and wants to feel what they seem to be feeling, so a desire builds to partake in the alcohol builds and builds until the victim asks or accepts a drink, and overjoyed but containing themselves the manipulators happily encourage the victim to partake more and more until the victim is drunk and will do what they want the victim to do.
The next day the manipulators will claim that the victim voluntarily wanted to do as they suggested because they did not force the victim, and the victim feels that he or she is at fault because it looks like the victim willingly chose to do the bad thing – but what the manipulators did was cause the victims mind to become immature and irresponsible with drugs or alcohol therefore any foolish suggestions in this mental state caused the victim to willfully partake in what they never would have partaken in when sober or straight-minded. The manipulators knew what they were doing, and the victim innocently trusted them, this was the victims mistake, trusting anyone who finds a way to weaken their mind.

The wise thing for us all to do is to know our weaknesses, or what makes us weak.
In the example above the alcohol was not the weakness, but the desire to fit-in, be popular, be one of the crowd, to people please and so forth, that became the controlling tool that the manipulators knew would give them the power over the mind of the victim.

Know your weaknesses, or the path-to-weakness, such as drugs, alcohol, desire to please, people pleasing, wanting to fit in, and so on, they are where the manipulators get us and that is where their control over us is, and therefore we need to be aware that these manipulating tools exist, be aware of our own weaknesses, and be sure never to allow other people to control us.

One of the things I used to do when I was flatting with a couple years ago, was refuse to partake in their activities, especially when their friends arrived and I would just go to my room and stay there the entire time or get on my bicycle if the weather was fitting and go for a long ride into the countryside for a few hours.
In my room I would turn up the stereo and read, or watch a movie and so on, and when I needed to go to the toilet or get a coffee I would laugh and joke with everyone around me and then go back to my room even when they got upset.

Avoiding what they were doing made me feel strong, good, happy, and joyfully I avoided them and what they were doing to enjoy what I really liked to do myself – so I was not filling my life up with weakness as those around me were doing, but instead I was doing what made me happy and filled my life with self-respect, personal pleasure, good times that had no price to pay, and also meeting others such as when I was out cycling, meeting like-minded people.

The people I lived with, especially the female, would call me a square, no-fun, boring, and so forth, but I felt no regrets, no doubts about my feelings, and would just laugh and smile at them 🙂 this would make it all into a fun thing and I was sending them a clear strong unbreakable message that I was not going to partake in their activities and that was that, and I didn’t.

Be strong, because you deserve a better life, and remind yourself why you put up those original boundaries and what you ant to avoid, and how you want to live, what character you want to have, and how healthy you want your mind, soul, body and future to be.

As my life is, and has been for a long time, no one asks me to parties or functions because they know I don’t smoke, don’t drink alcohol, don’t do drugs, and prefer being at home or cycling, or making things, and even though I have many friendships that exist, they don’t break down any of my boundaries so I don’t ever feel that I have shamed myself, or abused myself or abused someone else under the influence of alcohol or drugs, and my respect for myself and my inner strength is far more important than participating in other people’s weaknesses.

All the best from
James Martin Sandbrook.
18th of January, 2022.