House/Home Rules - Politeness etc.

James M Sandbrook

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Every home should have rules that everyone should abide by and relative and guests should as well.

These rules should be like “Boundaries”, protective yet also still allowing social contact with others.

Some suggestions follow.

One simple rule is to always leave a home before dinnertime, lunchtime, and breakfast time. If asked to stay for dinner but you know that the family is struggling or you feel that they are just being polite leave anyway with a polite refusal and apology.

Don’t be a burden to struggling people.
Don’t use bad language when out visiting even if the people of the home use bad language.
Each family has its rules, respect them or don’t visit them, its that simple.
If they have a dog or cat/animals, don’t complain, this is their home choice - if you don't like the animal then don’t visit.
Don’t argue with the house rules - its not your home, be respectful or don’t visit.
If you know that you are intruding on precious family time go home. People are polite they will often tell you that your intrusion is fine when it isn’t, they just don’t want to hurt your feelings.
Visitors should not be allowed to touch the family children.
No matter how much the visitors are known their interaction with the children should always be noted and carefully monitored.
Show respect always, be polite, be careful and not loud.
Always knock even if the home owners become familiar with you and ask you not to knock and just come in. It is impolite to just walk into another person’s house and you could walk into a bad situation where you are not welcome. Always knock and announce your arrival, even to family. Even parents and close relatives should knock.
Never enter a room in the home without announcing that you are coming in with a knock and verbal announcement.
Don’t put you feet up on the table, chairs, or couch, its not your home no matter how welcome you are.
Don’t touch things without asking first.
Don’t turn on the TV, change channels, or turn off the TV without asking first.
Don’t help yourself to their food without asking.
Don’t visit without ringing or letting the person know that you are coming up. To do this is rude and impolite and puts people out.
If the house owners don’t smoke, then regardless of what they say, you don’t smoke there. If they don’t drink alcohol or abuse drugs the you don’t do that there either.

When people visit people they can become familiar and their confidence rises to make your home as their home and once that settles into their minds it is hard to get rid of them.

If you have a visitor who is breaking your house rules, getting familiar, then they are showing how little they respect you, how they intend to treat you in the future if the relationship develops and who they really are (Not a gentleman or lady, possibly a manipulator and user).

I know a man who is a fried who always tells me to just walk in when I visit but I always knock, and I always announce when I am coming up to anyone’s house.

I have private time when I like being alone and don’t want visitors so I am not happy when people just barge on up to my door and want in.

You can tell manipulators, users, impolite people by then just walking in if you leave the front door open.
If you are a female they are possibly hoping to catch up changing or getting out of the shower etc.
If they just walk in even once, stop them visiting, to me its just too suspicious.

If someone visits you, puts you on the spot by inviting other visitors to your home for dinner as if it is their house, or deciding that the party this weekend is at your house, know that this is not a friend but a user who does not care for you, is not polite, and will walk away if your house is trashed at the party.
When people put e on the spot I look them right in the eye and say, “Sorry, thats not happening.” and then I turn to the others and say, “Nope, not happening at my place.” and then they can plan their parties elsewhere. I would even go so far as to ring each one up and tell them, “No party at my place this weekend.”

One way to deal with a person who tries to put you on the spot in front of others is to look at them, and in a loud voice say something like, “Whoa there, who the heck are you coming into my house and inviting people for dinner?” and then look at the others and say that you are short on food or that it was not you inviting them so dinner is off. Don’t be shy, be firm.

Many will be glad you stood up for yourself and wish that they were like that, and your loud refusal will warn them of what that person is like, you will also be sending a strong clear warning to that person that you will not tolerate that sort of thing and now you know that they were trying to manipulate you into doing something you had no plans to do.

Tell yourself often, “My house, my rules!”

By being polite and respecting other people’s house rules you are showing them that you are to be trusted, are a gentleman or lady, that you respect them, that your visit will be pleasant and uneventful, but something that they will enjoy and not regret.

If someone comes into your home, learns of your rules and then tries to get you to bend them for them or to take your rules away then don’t trust that person again - clearly they are trying or take advantage of you or are going to cause trouble. You put your rules there for a reason, for safely and for personal preference, if they don’t respect your house rules you can be sure that they won’t and don’t respect you.

A point is that a person is familiar when they visit, you are cooking biscuits and they walk up and just take one and eat it without asking. How far do you want that to go? Because in the future they will take from you without letting you know, like money, etc so be careful. Ask yourself, are you really comfortable with this person doing this? If not, let them know or show them the door.

An example of familiarity is a friend who I had known for many years came up to my house and rolled a marijuana joint. I asked him to get rid of it and he and the others, my relations, all laughed and he went to light it so I walked over and crushed it in his hand, and I told them all that they were previously asked not to use drugs on my property and they were warned, so if they want to abuse drugs do it elsewhere and they all left and I was very happy with that result, because family or not they were showing total disrespect for my home, my wife and children, and me and I will not tolerate that. The man who rolled the joint was one of my sisters husband.

My views against drug abuse are very strong, if I were to bow down on one occasion others would expect it in the future and also I would be only part-time against drug abuse and I cannot do that.

Your house, your rules - stand by them strong and hard, don’t budge because you formed them for a reason and those reasons are why they should be abided by without fail.

Your lack of rules show people how much they can manipulate you, abuse, use and trick you, also how much they can walk over you and possibly even abuse your children. The more strong, stable and worthy your rules the less you are a victim to other people, and the more strong, stable and enjoyable your life is.

One of the reasons that a woman marries a strong and stable mature male is that she knows that there are unbreakable strong house rules that all visitors must obey and abide by.
This makes her and the children feel safe and secure living there with him, and also knowing that no seedy people can visit or will be tolerated in the home, or are in the home that can abuse the wife and children.

In other words her husband has formed a home that has her and the children protected and he is firm and unbreakable on what is allowed and not allowed. This is what helps a woman and children sleep contently at night.

House Rules

James M Sandbrook

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