Toxic Parents

James M Sandbrook

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Toxic Parents

Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy And Reclaiming Your Life By Susan Forward with Craig Buck.

Review by James M Sandbrook - ‎Sunday, ‎7 ‎September ‎2003, ‏‎9:32:06 PM.

Toxic Parents

A Bantam Book

Hardcover Published 1989

Paperback Published 1990

ISBN 0-553-28434-7

This book was a New York Times Bestseller which gives you some idea about how popular it was and still is. This book is about Toxic Parents as the title states. Dr Susan Forward, with Craig Buck, step into the private home and blast many myths about the perfect family, or perfect parents. Here we look at many taboo subjects like bad or as Susan Forward puts it, toxic parenting.

At the time this book was published Susan Forward had been a therapist for eighteen years, she has worked in private practice and hospital groups. Susan uses her own case histories from her practice to give us examples, people names have been changed for legal reasons and so have identifying circumstances. Even so the examples are in many cases shocking and sad. It can be said that some parents have used appalling methods to control their children and some abuse them in ways I never imagined.

One of the things that impressed me about Susan's methods is that she 'sees' both parents as being at fault. In a case where a father beats his child, the mother is also guilty, because she does not protect her children from the fathers behavior. It shows that Susan Forward is a modern thinker and she sees the entire picture which of course gets better results with the healing process for the children who are now adultsand trying to get their life back in order.

Why would you bother with this book?

If you felt that you were brought up in a toxic family you would find this book 'good medicine', this book is about mending the damage caused by bad parenting.

Many of us as adults find that we have certain feelings and we sometimes have no idea why we feel the way we do and how we came to be the way that we are. Meaning, some of us find that we are bad parents or we struggle deeply with relationships. Some of us have a fair idea why we are the way we are and some of us are just plain confused. Susan Forward goes into great depth to explain what the damage of bad parenting is and what you can do about it to get your life back in order.

I will quote the contents of the first page in this book:

WHO ARE TOXIC PARENTS?

The Inadequate Parents: Constantly focusing on their own problems, they turn their children into "mini-adults" who take care of them.

The Controllers: They use guilt, manipulation, and even over-helpfulness to direct their children's lives.

The Alcoholics: Mixed in denial and chaotic mood swings, their addiction leaves little time or energy for the demands of parenthood.

The Verbal Abusers: Whether overly abusive or subtly sarcastic, they demoralize their children with constant put-downs and rob them of their self-confidence.

The Physical Abusers: Incapable of controlling their own deep-seated rage, they often blame their children for their own uncontrollable behavior.

The Sexual Abusers: Whether flagrantly sexual or covertly seductive, they are the ultimate betrayers, destroying the very heart of childhood - its innocence.

I am impressed by this book and I read it to get an understanding of my own family life as a child.

Over the years I have improved my own life but I found this book a great source of knowledge and I learnt a great deal about other peoples situations and found out that my family was not the only family brought up by toxic parents.

I highly recommend this book to people who think that they may have been brought up by toxic parents and I also recommend this book to anyone who may be dealing with people who have suffered from bad parenting. To the curious, read it, you will understand more about what sometimes goes on behind closed doors and what great lengths families go to hide a bad parent/s.

Teachers, care givers, churches and anyone who deal with children should seriously consider reading this book. It would be a good guideline to what to expect if you suspected that a child was being abused in some way, you will also find this book packed with good advice to help you deal with the situation.

Children are the worlds truly innocent, we should be doing all that we can to help them and protect them without ruining their freedom and child-like world.

Well done Susan Forward!