Let’s Clarify what Assertiveness Really is.

When you’re passive, your role is as an audience, watching as everybody else make their moves. You nod in agreement, assenting to all the decisions made. Here, you don’t have a voice, you don’t have an opinion.

Being passive takes away your ability to stand up for yourself.

A stark alternative is to be aggressive.

You try to shove your opinions down peoples’ throats, acting as a dictator, making sure only your wants are heard, paying little or no attention to what others have to say. Again, the message is lost as you are over doing it.

People will feel suffocated, they will feel forced.

Being assertive involves putting your thoughts, your wants, and your opinions on the table and putting some stress upon them, while also lending an ear to what others have to say. It is based on mutual understanding, whereby both parties are given a voice and nobody feels unfairly treated. The idea is to avoid being arrogant, to avoid being selfish.

- Brandice Williams.

A point to remember is that it is wise to recognize an unbalanced situation where you are not getting a fair deal, and you cannot get a fair deal, but they are trying to make you think that you are getting a fair deal.

If there is an unbalanced situation from people who have taken advantage of you in the past then realize that despite what they have said in the past, they have never been on your team. Good, fair, honest people, don't take advantage of a person and suddenly change.

But narcissist types they just lie, apologize, convince you, and then plan other ways to take advantage of you in the future.

Be assertive, be honest and fair, but always recognize an unfair deal in your relationships, it is in your best interests to depart from a bargaining table where the group has been found to be unfair and dishonest, because they have proven to you that they are not going to give you a fair deal.

Your forgiving kindness becomes their weapon against you, and with it they will abuse you in the future taking advantage of your good will.

🌼

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

16th of April, 2020.

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