Journey to Freedom.

James M Sandbrook

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Journey to Freedom

Written by James E. Sullivan and clearly intended for religious use this book goes well beyond that and touches on the more important connection between body and Spirit where if the mind is affected then so is the body and can be of use to people who are opened minded and are willing to learn from anyone, even a religious person.

James seeks to show us the importance of self-esteem for a happy and holy life.

I find his writings in this book to be well thought out, full of information to ponder on, and to also use in a person's daily life.

Modern science and modern medicines are heavily based on chemical "cures" which are often more harmful than good, it is refreshing to read a book giving a more well through out spiritual view on our issues, whats really going on within us and how we can deal with it is a common-sense manner for the good of our future.

Rev. James Sullivan is a Director of the Religious Consultation Center, Diocese of Brooklyn, he has counselled hundreds of priests and religious people. His twenty years of experience and observation come out in this book and we can all use this in our own lives.

He touches subjects as sex, anger, hurt, feelings, not feeling understood, the real deep stuff, what life is about.

From the book:

The only healthy way to defuse my anger is to talk it out; to express my pain to you who have hurt me. I need to express it with it clear and appropriate feeling so that you have no doubt how much I am hurt. I need to use a tone of voice that reveals the amount of pain I feel and facial expressions that let you understand in no uncertain terms how I am hurting and why I feel that way.

You've hurt me by what you said or what you did, or by what you failed to do. You have caused me to bleed. I need to show you the blood! You have to be made aware the effect that your gesture or neglect has had upon me. This is awfully important... ... I have to know that you understand how deeply I have been hurt.

I must not attack you! I must not blame you or heap abuse on you-even though my feelings urge me to do so . I've been hurt so my first impulse is to lash out at you and hurt you back. I can't help feeling that way but I must not give in to that feeling, firstly because an attack on you only makes you angry and terribly complicates the difficulty between us. Now it is twice as hard for us to find a reconciliation.

Secondly, I must not attack you because I don't know for certain whether you really meant to hurt me.

I may be completely mis-reading your words or actions.

There is only one thing I really know for certain and that is I feel hurt and angry.

So that is the feeling that I should make known to you. "Wow, do you really mean to say that I'm stupid!

That makes me angry!" I don't know conclusively that this is what you meant so I have no right to attack you.

All I know is that this is how your words sound to me, so I tell you how I hear you and how I feel.

Then you can deal with my feelings. If you did not mean to imply that I was stupid, you can clear that up.

You can say, "I'm awfully sorry that you heard it that way. I don't mean that at all! I only meant to say that this one word may be misspelled - that's all!" Once I hear you clarify what you really meant, I no longer feel put down. I am no longer angry.

When I tell you in a gentle way how I have hurt you, you don't feel threatened or angry.

You simply feel sorry that I miss-read you and that your words have caused me pain.

And you are quick to reassure me that no hurt was intended. It is fairly easy for us to resolve the anger and to feel close to each other again.

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"My expressive-assertive needs include first and foremost a need to ventilate my powerful emotional feelings to a person who really listens and cares.

My feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment. My joyful feelings of elation, excitement, enthusiasm.

My sad feelings of loss, pain, hurt, rejection.

All these feelings are charged with energy, like electricity flowing through a dynamo.

They have to be released.

Holding in explosive feelings like these is like stopping up a spout of a kettle and not allowing the steam to escape. The pressure builds up, until eventually the entire kettle blows apart!

The same thing happens in my body when I hold in my strong feelings. The energy of those feelings, the expansive, explosive energy has to be released in some way. When I don't express those feelings outwardly with appropriate words and affect, then their energy usually turns inward and literally batters my body, causing all kinds of psychosomatic disturbances, symptoms such as ulcers, high blood pressure, stroke, debilitating conditions such as diverticulosis, diverticulosis, asthma and arthritis.

All these are a result of bottled up feelings and trapped energy.

The smothered energy either attacks my body in this way, causing those painful physical conditions, or else it finds another "escape" in neurotic, self defeating behavior, such as over-eating, excessive drinking, sexual acting out.

Sometimes the avenue of escape is in the form of sarcastic speech or abrasive manner that can severely injure and even destroy my relationships.

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The Need For A Listener

In order for me to feel free to express these feelings adequately, i.e, with enough force so as to depressurize [my stressed] body, I have to have someone special present to receive my feelings, someone who will not reject them. Simply letting them out when no one else is around does not do me much good. I can try this. I can yell and scream and punch a pillow, but very little energy is released in this way. I can clean the house with the speed and energy of a whirling dervish; I can walk at a furious pace thinking, "I'll walk it off!" If I'm a teenager, I can even blast my radio until the windows vibrate.

All of this lets out a little of my pent up energy, but does not give me the relief or satisfaction that I need.

I need understanding. I need care. I need someone who will respect my need to talk, someone who will hear me through without constant interruptions or comments, empty clinches-someone who will accept my feelings with reverence, who will understand and care! This is the only release of my explosive energy that is truly defusing and satisfying.

Without such a person in my life, it is too frightening for me even to consider letting these feelings out. When I'm at the boiling point in my feelings, I simply can't bear to have anyone tell me that I shouldn't feel this way. That only makes me feel worse!

In one of the most painful incidents of my life... ... I chose the wrong listener... I'm sure he meant well... I felt immeasurably worse. I couldn't get him to understand that I was bleeding. I had to stop and hold the feelings in. It was like a nightmare...

When I'm hurting like this, I don't need a lecture. I don't need advice or comments. I need a listener! I need a friend who will enter into my world with me and listen and listen and listen; listen with his ears and with his eyes and with his heart! A friend who will understand how awful I feel and let me know that he understands, a friend who will reassure me that in no way am I bad because I have these strong feelings. I'm human, that's all!

Airing my feelings is very important for my physical and mental health..

When I experience your ability to enter into my world and sense your refusal to be judgmental and harsh, when I experience your reverence which allows me to be myself and feel my feelings without your offering any unwanted comments or advice, then in a very real sense you set me free! I can now let all the charged up feelings come pouring out! I don't have to be guarded and defensive. I don't have to watch my words. I don't have to hold back the tears. You treat them all with reverence. The terrible pounding pressure is relieved.

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As you can read from the above excerpts from the book that the book can be very helpful to us all.

For those seeking help in these areas and for just another view of life and our human troubles James gives examples and his thoughts on what is going on and how he deals with it. His writing is easy to read, yet even though he talks of priests and his religious work, the text is helpful in general life.

I enjoyed the book very much and from the writings of James E. Sullivan I have learned a lot.

This is a book I hope to always have in my library to read from time to to remind me of its precious informative teachings. Recommended reading.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

20th of February, 2021.

James M Sandbrook

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