The results of Stress.

We humans adapt, accept and live with what is put before us, and when we get used to it we assume that this is how it is and to get one with it.

As children when our home is stressful we become so used to stress that we normalize it and see it as normal life - if we accept stress in the home as normal then we will as adults repeat the stressful life we had to our own children and on and on it goes.

How we react to our current life situation is not necessary who we are or reflection of our true character.

Our stress and the results of our stress is a “showing” of the result that stress is having on our mental state, our spiritual and physical state.

Put car oil in a drink of water and we will get a oily drink that tastes foul. The true character of the water is not what we are getting, instead we are getting a reaction to the oil in the water, which is toxic, from a toxic input.

If a person is in an unhealthy environment that is not meeting that persons health, physical, mental and spiritual needs the result is not the true character of the person.

Because the general public has so little know;edge of other people, their lives especially behind closed doors, they have no real idea of what the person is going through and therefore when they see the person react in a negative way they can assume that the person is bad, when in reality the person is a suffering soul struggling from a toxic dysfunctional home.

An example is that my adult life was a result of my childhood upbringing.

If I was told by the woman I was with that I was the problem, I would try to figure out how I had failed her and what was wrong with me. In doing this and accepting blame when there was none, I became increasingly stressed but did not know it.

An example of how stress can grow is my father yelling at me when I was small. It got so bad that when we were in the same room I would just wait for the yelling to start and I became scared of moving in the room, often I would leave the room to relieve the stress, the fear of doing wrong in dads angry eyes.

I felt like a mouse that an eagle was all too keen to pounce on me. As a child this was unnatural and a constant fear. If we constantly fear something then that constant fear takes up room in our minds and we don’t grow up as other children do, in fact they think that we are strange, weird, and possibly a coward because we have become used to avoiding life.

As an adult the same happened. When someone I was with told me that it was my fault and when I didn’t see how it was, I would go away and wonder how I had stuffed her day up and what the heck was wrong with me. Dad and mum showed me as a boy that I was incompetent, stupid and not someone who they really wanted around (leaving me desperately seeking love and acceptance), but since I was there they would have to put up with me. In turn, as a child, I did a lot of self blaming, got angry at myself, and wished I was dead practically on a regular basis. Suicidal thinking as a child, teenager, and adult takes up a lot of thinking time as well. My first attempt at suicide was at 8 years old.

As an adult, with years behind me I was coping, but in many ways just coping, I still felt that whatever went wrong was my fault and it happened because I was alive, therefore the world would be a much better place without me.

When I was married I did not seek help, so I accepted my fate, a miserable marriage with some poor suffering woman who was willing to put up with me. I didn’t even know what the word narcissist existed or that she showed all the classic signs of a narcissist.

I would work until around 3-4 am in the morning, get up early and Homeschool the children until about 4 pm in the afternoon and then put up with my spouse, and go back to working on my computer. I had never heard of gaslighting or the like, so I had no idea that people had cleverly made manipulation of people into an art, and could control people rather easily.

This kind of life has a price for the victim, and it comes out in their life in mental stress that eventually affects their physical health and body. But because of a child being abused by parents, emotionally, physically and/or sexually, the child is unprepared to cope in a courageous, competent manner, and self blaming is the logical choice because the abused child as an adult see’s the mistakes as their own so there is no one else to blame, and they react with this stress in many negative ways.

One of the issues I had was a quick bad temper. Frustrated at life, myself, that I was alive I would sometimes (surprising myself) lash out verbally at someone, if it was one of the children I would often go to my bedroom and cry because I had done it and couldn’t figure out why I was such a bad tempered person. My ex would go on about “what a bully you are”

Some of my bad temper was reenacting who Dad was as a father, angry and very quick tempered.

When a person does not know that they are stressed then other people can judge then rather harshly and then make the stressed person more stressed and make more mistakes, and in the process with a narcissist adore the narcissist even more because it seems like the narcissist is sacrificing their life for the person who they are really persecuting.

In the right environment that person would not act this way, and would be calm and happy, in control, relaxed, confident and mature.

This acting-out with stress is not our character, it is a reaction from being overtired, manipulated, not having our needs met and so on, but because we acted this way people can judge us as a bad person, yet wonder why ten years later we seem to be a nice person.

I remember that cups would slip from my hand. I would be talking to someone with a coffee or drink in my hand and then it would smash on the floor with me having no recollection of letting go of the cup/glass.

Once my ex left this never happened again. It was a reaction to being overtired and not being in control of my body motor control.

When under stress we think that the stress is us acting out what a failure we are, or how hopeless we are, because we can feel hopeless and a failure at times - change to a different environment with different people and all of a sudden we are not thinking like that anymore.

One of the most common reactions I had of stress was making a mistake, then another and all the time being laughed at or put down or even yelled at. The more I was treated in those ways the more mistakes I made and the more I hated myself for being the idiot I believed I was.
You see, I was stressed, made the mistake and my logical mind stated to me clearly, “Well, those people who laughed at you didn’t do the stupid thing now did they, neither did the person who yelled at you, or the one who said that you were stupid, the only one who did the stupid foolish thing was you, so you must be to blame and must be what they say you are, a stupid fool.” In these situations logic can be our biggest enemy as it condemns us to accept what seems to be logically obvious.

Because Dad would stand in a room and yell at me like I was a complete idiot and call me that as well, I would be so nervous I would make a new mistake and that would sjut send him overboard and he would freak out at the third mistake. I became terrified of being around him and especially working with him at home, he made me a nervous wreck and pre-primed me to be a nervous wreck around loud and angry demanding people as an adult. As a teenager I made many mistakes, then as an adult around such people, and because they were loud, prideful, demanding, they would tell everyone, especially in front of me what an idiot I was.

Stress just made me more stressed and the result in the physical world was many mistakes.
At school I was not wanted in the sports teams because no one wanted the idiot who couldn't play on their team, and if the teacher forced me to be on a team I would play, but due to being terrified of letting the team down I would make a mistake and everyone just hated me, and the star players would come over and whisper threats in my ear, and from then on I would fade out of the game of whatever as a non-playing player.

The child at school who is bullying other children is reacting to a stressful life at home and the darkness within needs to be expressed. The child can be bullied by his mother or father, or both, and cannot face up to them to let off steam, so the child lets it off to children often smaller to do this. People see the child bully and sat that he has a bad character, is a bully, is mean, yet they have no idea what he is going through at home and worse is that his parents will cover up their bullying of him because they don’t want to be known as bullies.

Very sadly when parents have toxic issues the children that they have are the end-line, the ones at the end of the pecking order who take the abuse of the parents because they are too small to know how to reach logically, are too small to argue or fight back, and just accept whatever the parents will put them through.

In difference homes these children are completely different and react to life much more positively.

Authorities need to realize that parents who abuse their own children will never own up to it, and often they are narcissists who fake good decent character at work and hen socializing, but at home behind closed doors their abusive nature comes out, onto the poor suffering children who have no idea how to cope of deal with this stress put upon them.

When people are in abusive homes they go into survival mode, become used to it and learn to cope through all the madness of toxic parenting or narcissist spouses. But even though they put on an act that everything is all right in public as best as they can, inside they are a bomb of dark matter and it needs to get out and often does in addictions, masturbation addiction, drug and alcohol abuse, many sexual partners, and all this outgoing reacting is seen as that persons character.

He is violent.
She is a whore.
He can’t stop bullying others.
She is so fat and lazy, all she does is eat and sleep.
He can’t keep a job down.
The loser can’t keep away from the drugs, what a hopeless case and so on…

If you are acting in some negative way, please know that this is not you, it is something that happened to you by others that has made you react to what happened this way.

You are not what they did to you, and you are not what they made you into, you are someone else, a kind, compassionate loving soul, and until you realize this and take positives steps to be where you can heal you will hurt and react in negative unproductive ways and bleed what they did to you onto all the people who come to know you. As a child you had no choice, as an adult you have a chocie.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

30th of March, 2021.