How Narcissists Bond with their Victims.

Narcissists have little interest in people whoa re secure, brave, courageous, confident and sure of themselves, because such people won’t fall for the narcissists manipulation. Its too hard and too much effort to get that kind of person to become a weak submissive obedient soul.

The narcissist manipulator is after someone who is weak minded, easy prey.

This is why a person will go from miserable to miserable relationship always wondering why he or she always gets abused - the narcissist knows what an insecure unconfident person’s character is like, how to seduce that person and them make that person their victim.

The narcissist creates a bond through various ways.

Often (unless the family supports the narcissist) the narcissist will turn the victim against his or her family.

You see, the family, or anyone who truly loves the victim is a threat to the narcissist, so they must be cleverly, over a period of time, removed from the life and mind of the victim, so that the victim will never got o people they don’t like or trust for help.

By using hate, dislike, fear, and/or making the victim feel that they are a victim of the family, the victim feels that finally he or she has finally found someone who understand them.

If someone is laying on the praises, sex, affection, presents, if there are children sucking up to them, listening to the victims cries for help, acting as if the narcissist understands the victims true wants, desires, needs, and such the victim really does think that they have found a person from heaven, what they do not understand is that the relationship, at least at first, is just too perfect to be real. So getting the family out of the picture is common.

On the other hand if the parents abused the children and the children grew up and recognised that they were abused the narcissist can then side with the family and since the parents want their adult-victims shut up (the parents don’t want to go to prison in shame) they allow the narcissist full access to their (say daughter in this case) and tell him all that he needs to control her, abuse her and take her into his life as her knight in shining armour, while abusing her.

The Stockholm Syndrome, think of Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, Patty Hearst, siding with the narcissists (their captors) until they were removed from the captors and finally realized that they had been very successfully brainwashed and abused. Hearst was isolated, raped, beaten, abused, and finally subjected to the sad stories of her captors and in Survival Mode she sided with them and went out and participated in robberies. There are many, many proven cases of this.

In Survival Mode a person becomes desperate and realises at least subconsciously that they are in a threatening, possibly life threatening situation, and the only way to get out alive is to slip into an agreeable character to the narcissist/captor.

The Stockholm Syndrome

The name of the syndrome is derived from a botched bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden. In August 1973 four employees of Sveriges Kreditbank were held hostage in the bank's vault for six days. During the standoff, a seemingly incongruous bond developed between captive and captor. - Laura Lambert, Psychology, Britannica.

This is why the Police should be trained in Psychology and such, especially human responses to abuse and manipulation.

Imagine a Character Assassination and the witness against the innocent person being someone who has experienced Stockholm Syndrome like Patty Hearst.
The victim, the one who was abused would testify in court in favour of their captors while the innocent person went to jail and the captors got away free.

The mind wonders at how many innocent people have gone to jail because the abused were brainwashed into siding with their abusers - remember, they only have to back up the abusers as long as the court case is open.

You can see that if a bond is created with the narcissist and the abused that the abused becomes closer emotionally with the narcissist and a bond is created, and the abused can tell everyone that they are in love and yet the relationship is nothing of the sort.

One way of keeping the relationship intact is Irrational Fear.

The victim is shown fake evidence, told lies mixed with some truths to make the lies look valid, and the narcissist manipulator plays the role of the hero, but of course there is nothing to fear, so there is no need for a hero, but the victim fully in Survival Mode believes the Irrational Fear with ease and then tells everyone that he or she (now in Survival Mode over nothing but Irrational Fears) is terrified of something happening, or of their family, or of a person.

And the fact that the narcissist is always at the side of the victim the victim feels loved, protected, wanted, safe, in their own Safe haven with a true hero, while the exact opposite is true, the victim is really in the hands of her abuser.

Another form of bonding is the narcissist faking love and respect for the single-mother and her life-trials, and the narcissists love for the children. To the male narcissist the children are simply tools to seduce the mind of the mother. The single-mother, desperate for a good man to love her children is seeking that sort of male image, and the fact that the narcissist praises her and honours her for her dedication to her children just fills her heart with gushes of adoration, and her protective boundaries fall in an avalanche.

The presents, time spent with the children, praising of them, praise of her dealing with so much, all designed to make her adore the narcissist and let him into her home, into her soul and into her life long term.

If the victim is a woman, and she has children, then her “hero” to her would be to keep her home, herself, her children safe from (imaginary) harm, and all the while he keeps up the faked story of her being victimized, stalked, desired by someone she should be (according to him) terrified off. A woman will always come home to a man who is her knight in shining armour, he knows that and that is why he fakes being brave, and a hero.

With him as hero she is eating out of his hand, publicly supporting him, and bad mouthing probably someone who could really help her. That is the power of the Stockholm Syndrome and Manipulative Narcissism.

A lot of bonding comes from the narcissist telling the victim stories of their life, some true, some faked for sympathy, and the narcissist may cry, act as if they are hyperventilating, pretend to vomit or act it out with a finger in their mouth alone in the toilet, get the shakes, and in general make out that his or her body is reacting to a sad story as if it deeply hurts them and breaks their heart, especially sad stories of abuse as a child and such.

The victim, totally a good soul, insecure, unaware of being abused is overcome with grief and comforts the narcissist with time, sex, tears and complete and total dedication, completely unaware that the whole thing was an act to seduce her. This is why narcissists like to seduce honest insecure females, because they are so easy to fool, as their material, loving souls want to heal, help, love, and they seek genuine hurt people to stand by, and the narcissist just acts it all out over months and moths until the victim is fully hooked, married and then is there for a lifetime of abuse as well as the children being abused.

The “Them Against us” Seduction:

The Narcissist builds up over time a feeling in the victim that it is the world against the two.

Its all about Divide and Conquer.

The narcissist uses manipulation to convince the victim that the best place for the victim is with the manipulator and no where else. The victim feels excited, loved, part of a complete team, part of a machine of two that is taking on the world or distancing themselves from the world to life away from what they don’t believe in or want to be a part of. “Everyone is against us, but we still have each other!”

These are just some of the ways that a narcissist manipulators can bond with their victims, they are extremely successful with the victims supporting to the death their abusers and captors, the victims completely unaware that they are part of something cold and sinister, and also are Enablers for the narcissist manipulators to abuse the children.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

14th of April, 2021.

Abrev. Advice. Camera. Character. Children. Computing. Crosswords. Driving. Education. Electronics. Fitness/Self Defence.

Garden. Health. House Ideas. How To. Jokes. Kitchen/Cooking. Measure. Mechanics/Machines. Motivation.

Movies. Music. NZ. OOS/RSI. People. Personal Care. Poetry. Projects. Proverbs. Religion. Reviews. Sewing.

Skills/Hobbies. Slang. Stories. Tips. Tools. Whats It Mean? Words. Woodwork.