Torey Hayden

James M Sandbrook

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Torey Hayden

“Her name was Sheila. She was six and a half, almost; a tiny mite of a thing with matted hair, hostile eyes and a very bad smell. I was surprised she was so small. I had expected something bigger. The 3-year-old must have been nearly as tall as she was. Clad in worn denim overalls and a well-faded boy’s striped T-shirt, she looked like one of those kids in the Save the Children ads.”

― Torey L. Hayden, One Child.

===

Torey Hayden had to go away and leave the class for 2 days, her 6 year old troubled student Sheila was very upset about this, and after getting upset with Torey because Sheila thought that Torey was "leaving her" like her mother did, Sheila vomited.

For many, being under stress causes them to be so upset they vomit. This can add to the stress.

Sheila was struggling with the past events that had formed her current views. Past experience told her that Torey Hayden would leave her because others had done the same thing. So she was struggling with trust, faith and believing that this person (Torey) was telling the truth and would come back.

Torey was filled with respect for Sheila who was trying to understand what was going on. Looking at each other, trying to understand each other, Torey thought, "This is one of those moments that made all the others worthwhile. We were touching each other's souls."

'I reached a hand out, "Come here Kitten, let me rock you."'

'She hesitated, then slowly approached. Without a word she climbed onto my lap. '

You can clearly understand and see that Torey is very interested in the spiritual growth of her students. She wants full progress from her students so that they will have a chance at a good life, even though they had been dished out a mean life up until they entered Torey's classroom.

She wants to see them do math, write, read, and she wants them to grow in courage and faith. She wants them to be complete mature responsible young adults who will help change the world in a useful honest positive way.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

Thursday,‎24 March 2016, 9:01:14 PM

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“Deep down behind those hostile eyes was a very little girl who had already learned that life really isn't much fun for anybody; and the best way to avoid further rejection was to make herself as objectionable as possible. Then it would never come as a surprise to find herself unloved. Only a simple fact.”

― Torey Hayden, One Child

===

Torey Hayden, as a teacher, had decided that no one's worth, in her class, was ever going to be decided over the paperwork that the child had done.

The true value of the child was the complete child. And each child's true value could never be measured on paper because children change from day to day, and each child shines in different ways from day to day.

The way I see it is that if 20 years ago someone wrote something, and to judge that person on that paper 20 years ago is ridiculous. And the same is judging a child on a test or piece of paper they wrote on 365 days earlier.

Children are in constant change, their home life changes, their families members stress, die, etc, life has ups and downs, and that affects all the exams and paperwork that the child does in school. The child's views of life and people change from year to year, even week to week for some, opinions change, and this is clear evidence that 365 days later the child in front of you could be totally different from the child a fellow teacher taught 365 days ago.

Like adults, children have their good and bad days, they lose their temper, but so do we. We have no right to condemn and judge others when we may blow our cool at home for some silly reason, exactly what a child would do.

Some children can be exasperating, but we also must bear in mind that at times in our own life we were too.

Childhood is a short period of time in a person's life, it would be such a shame to unbalance that period of time for a child because we, the teacher/parent is not understanding the true needs of a child growing up.

We must be understanding of the child's needs, not just what the education board demands of us. To be effective and to make a difference in the world we need to see beyond first, second and third impressions and see the real value of the child and discover this child's needs to help the child grow.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

‎Thursday, ‎24 ‎March ‎2016, ‏‎9:52:26 AM.

===

“Next was Tyler, who startled me being a girl. She slunk in behind her mother, her dark curly hair down. Tyler was also 8 and had already tried to kill herself twice. The last time, the drain cleaner she had drunk had eaten away part of her esophagus. Now her throat bore an artificial tube and numerous red-rimmed surgical scars in ghoulish testimony to her skill.”

― Torey L. Hayden, One Child.

===

Torey Hayden had an interesting story about "a paper war". Being a teacher she let her love, motherly instincts, instincts as a woman, etc be pushed aside to let the cold hearted common sense and logical teacher come out.

6 year old Sheila refused to do paperwork. She would destroy paper at before her as school work.

Torey had been gaining Sheila's trust and faith, and she nearly destroyed it all by trying to force Sheila to do paperwork.

The love, compassion, and understanding in Torey should have told her to wait, not to push such a violent insecure child as Sheila. But Torey said that the school teacher in her became fixated in trying to get Sheila's work on paper. After about 3 weeks they had a great battle that ended with Sheila screaming at Torey, "I hate you!"

Later on Torey reads the story of the Prince and the Fox. And the Fox says to the Prince that humans have forgotten to follow their hearts etc.

It seems like an excellent story about the Prince and the Fox.

The mind says to only go with logic, but the heart needs it's say too. To follow only the mind is too cold hearted, and all teachers need to teach with their heart more than anything. They need to really cared for those in their charge.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

‎Wednesday, ‎23 ‎March ‎2016, ‏‎10:01:08 PM.

“By Christmas vacation, we belonged to one another and I was beginning to look forward to each day. Sarah had begun to talk regularly again; Max was learning his letters; Tyler was smiling occasionally; Peter didn’t fly into rages quite so often; William could pass all the light switches in the hallway to the lunchroom and not say one charm to protect himself; Guillermo was begrudgingly learning Braille. And Susannah Joy and Freddie? Well, we were still trying with them.”

― Torey L. Hayden, One Child

===

Sheila, the troublesome 6 year old from Torey Hayden's classroom was abused as a child in many, many ways. So she toughened, hardened up, refuses to feel sympathy for others and she doesn't care about the suffering of others etc.

But once in Torey's class they discovered that Sheila had a extremely high IQ, she broke all the school records for IQ tests.

If Torey had not tried with this troubled child then they would never have known what Sheila capable of. Far too many teachers ignore the poor child, or the troubled children, and only bother with the focused, well off polite A grade students (their enthusiasm means that they encourage the teachers, and they are easy to teach, making life easier for the teachers).

Many of us have been abused as children, some lived frightening violent upbringings, and we reacted to our upbringing and how people treated us.

But the reality, is that many teachers are spiritually blind, and they need to understand that the worse child in the class could be the most intelligent, the most productive, and loving.

This explains why school dropouts have become some of the most important and successful people in the world.

People tend to have favorites, even in the classroom. Many of us can remember that we never got a chance in school, yet teachers children and the teacher's favorite's (teachers pet) got opportunities we never saw.

When my children were at Balmoral School, and I fixed the school computers I was pleasantly surprised at how different my children were treated at Balmoral School compared with their old school, Cargill School.

But the reality is that once I was helping out the school and staff (which I didn't do at Cargill School) my children were given special treatment, and I resented that very much, and I tried to downplay it and only accept what the other children got for my own children.

Before I helped the school, one of my daughters had trouble with a child being a bully, but she was a teacher at the schools child, so complaints were ignored.

When a child is given special treatment and spoiled, this is not the child's fault and even as an adult the child need not feel guilty. We need to go understand the situation and do the best that we can to be the best that we can be.

Sheila is proof that the most difficult mentally ill (according to the "experts") person can be the most useful compassionate person around.

Please don't let people label you or judge you, you are far more worthy than that.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

‎Friday, ‎25 ‎March ‎2016, ‏‎5:47:48 AM.

===

“As we went through the day, I kept asking myself who should go. Guillermo was the obvious choice, simply because I was least equipped to teach him. But what about Freddie or Susannah Joy? Neither was making progress of much note. Anyone could lug them around and change their pants. Or maybe Tyler. She wasn’t so suicidal now; she hardly ever spoke about killing herself anymore; she no longer drew those black-crayoned pictures. A resource teacher could probably handle her.

I looked at each one of them, wondering where would they go and how they would make it, and how our room would be without them. I knew in my heart none of them would survive the rigors of a less-sheltered class. None of them was ready, nor was I ready to give them up, nor give up on them.”

― Torey L. Hayden, One Child

===

Torey Hayden is a person who reminds me of myself. She gets upset at herself where other teachers would have punished a child, feeling justified, then forgot the whole incident. But not Torey, neither me.

My father and mother were not good parents, both bad examples of parenting. Because of that I struggled deeply as a single parent. I had ideas that parenting was an honourable deed, something wonderful, something so true.

But with no foundation of decency I struggled, made so many mistakes, spent many hours crying trying to figure out if I had done the right thing or the wrong thing. I held a lot of guilt when in reality I should have understood myself, my past and how I was so unprepared for the parenting I was doing. °

Years ago when my eldest daughter did very well at High School she made a comment that hurt me deeply about my failed education. I was so ashamed of being an educational failure, of being stupid, of shaming my children because I felt unworthy as their father, because surely they couldn't be proud of such a loser :-(

It didn't even occur to me that she succeeded partially because of the years of homeschooling I taught her.

But then something happened on, and a veil was lifted. Right in front of me was my teenage years again. And to my shock I saw this that I had forgotten for a long time.

I was told at around 11-12 years old by a professional that I needed spectacles after my eyes were tested, my mother refused to buy them. She told me that when I left school I would have to buy my own.

Not being able to see clearly and being colour blind I was handicapped all through High School because I could not see what was written on the board, and I couldn't see good enough to play sports.

Mum had lots of parties. I slept in the lounge, there were only enough beds for my sisters and my mother, so if mother had people over I was unable to sleep until they all left. If they left at 3am (which did happen) I had to stay up until they left because they were sitting on my bed, the couch.

It was at High School that my mother gave away my dog to the pound to be put down. She had decided that we did not want him any more and she rang the pound to take him away. He was a small dog, I had him for about 5-7 years at that stage. Prince and I were very close, I was devastated by this event, and for years I imagined him coming back to me. I suffered much sadness and tears over this.

Years earlier Mum left dad at one period, and Prince stayed locked in a cage at the neighbours, and while we were gone Prince refused to eat in grief, he was starving to death before their eyes, and no matter what they tried be refused to eat, when we came back and he was with me again he started eating again. This is why I know that the dog pound killed Prince, because no matter where they took him he would come back to us.

Mother had a fascination for male gays, and she would have them over often and she would go to parties with them and my older sister. The male gays loved threatening me saying they wanted sex with me. I disliked them greatly. When they came over I stayed awake frightened of being raped. Mother thought that it was an awesome joke, and she would taunt me over them as well.

Because of this (and other reason's) if a male gay touches me in any sexual way I get instantly violent. I refuse to tolerate their advances in any sense. I find their sexual activities deeply disgusting.

But having said that I have worked with female and male gays and I get on fine with them.

So you see that here are a few of the reasons that I would have had some troubles studying and keeping sane.

I no longer feel ashamed of my school results, I think I got through such craziness reasonably well.

You can also see why I struggled with parenting. When my ex-wife first left, I asked my mother to help me with my children and she wasn't interested. She wanted to see me fail.

I still believe that parenting is an honourable thing to do. And I understand now what I new back then as a single parent and I don't have guilt or blame myself anymore.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

‎Friday, ‎25 ‎March ‎2016, ‏‎11:28:18 AM.

===

Torey Hayden's school child Sheila was sexually abused.

An uncle tried and couldn't have sex with 6 year old Sheila so he cut her with a knife.

She lost so much blood she was hospitalized and had to have surgery, the uncle was arrested.

Torey Hayden amazes me with her understanding of people.

She recognized that the uncle was a victim too.

She also noted that Sheila burnt a child the year before, and now Sheila was a victim herself.

While Sheila was in class the children forced Torey to talk about the sexual abuse, and then another child mentioned that it had happened to her, and then other children talked about being crazy, abused, and their fears. There were lots of tears, but it was all healing for them.

These children were considered the worst children by the authorities and the general public, not fit for a public school, but it is clearly obvious that the children's mental illness and mental issues came from the way that adults had treated them, and how in their innocent minds they had desperately tried to cope with what a child should never have to deal with, and their mental illness and unable to cope with life was a direct result of trying to react with the madness that adults had forced into their lives.

Family abuse is a betrayal of faith, confidence, and love, it cuts very deep, and as years go by family often try to cover up the skeletons in their closet. But the horror and unmistakable damage that the adults have done to innocent souls is devastating and life changing for the worst for the innocent victims.

The world saw these children as crazies, they were called names by "normal" children, but the reality is that these children are amazing and the bravest of all. What secrets, pain, shame, sadness, loss of trust, that they have had to hide caused them to miss out on a normal upbringing.

Child abuse causes a lack of confidence and courage in children,, and if it isn't dealt with those children become adults lacking in confidence and courage, struggling with addictions, living with anxiety and having coping issues.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

‎Saturday, ‎26 ‎March ‎2016, ‏‎4:52:46 PM.

===

Torey Hayden and Chad took Sheila off to buy her first pretty dress after they had won the court case for Sheila's freedom from a mental hospital. Sheila is 6 years old and had spent a life deprived of love and nice things.

While choosing the dress Sheila said to Torey, "I wish you was my Mama and Chad was my Daddy."

"We're something better than that, Sheila. We're friends. Friends are better than parents, because it means that we love each other because we want to, not because we have to. We choose to be friends." said Torey.

True love for others comes from our heart and soul, not from a biological connection.

Always remember that. Biological family can be friends, but it is wise to choose carefully.

Because of the closeness of growing up with people we can become good friends or victims due to their knowing is so well, and then knowing our feelings, weaknesses, etc.

People who choose us, don't take more than they give, and have a heart of gold, they are people worth keeping.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

‎Saturday, ‎26 ‎March ‎2016, ‏‎4:06:02 PM.

===

Torey Hayden's class has the once badly behaved girl Sheila in it.

Sheila burnt a small boy and the courts wanted her in a mental hospital (probably for many years), Torey, with the help of others worked together to fight for Sheila's freedom in court. They knew that the mental hospital would destroy all the positive work that they had done with Sheila.

They won the court case. Torey wanted to talk to the parents of the boy who was burnt by Sheila. But she knew that they had suffered much, and so had the boy.

Torey also guessed that they did not understand mental health and the positive recoveries that genuine love and compassion bring out of the person suffering.

In a short period of time Torey Hayden had changed Sheila's life, and most importantly Sheila's destiny. Once Torey broke through the hardness of Sheila's upbringing she was able to melt the ice with genuine care, love, friendship and gave Sheila hope, showed her trust, and she gave Sheila someone to have faith in.

Once this foundation was set in Sheila's inside core, Sheila was able to build upon it, in a short time, and learn from her experiences in life.

Sheila's courage and confidence grew as her fears flew to the side as each was cast away and her life became new.

If you, or someone you know is suffering mentally, please be positive, because with hope, faith, and the right people your life will become new and your fears a thing of the past.

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

‎Saturday, ‎26 ‎March ‎2016, ‏‎2:15:03 PM.

===

Torey Hayden had a helper called Whitney. Whitney struggled with confidence, blaming herself for things that went wrong.

One day she did a foolish thing and when she got into trouble her mother game to Torey's classroom totally freaked out and dragging poor Whitney like she was a little girl. Poor Whitney was devastated and naturally blamed herself harshly.°

This is how I was for many years. I always harshly blamed myself, and the narcissists in my life used that to make me have low confidence and to use me. The narcissist knows that low confidence means a subdued victim that is too frightened to escape. The narcissist does not need a cell to hold their victims, they just need to keep the confidence low on the victim.

As long as the victim blames themself, the narcissist always looks like an angel and to be in control and helping the victim.°

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

‎Friday, ‎25 ‎March ‎2016, ‏‎10:33:33 PM.

===

Murphy's Boy by Torey Hayden.

An amazing story of hope all because of a caring soul, Torey Hayden.

A fifteen year old boy who hadn't said a word since he was seven years old.

The assignment to help this boy had long been dismissed as futile. Kevin, the boy, institutionalised, hid under tables, feared roads, door hinges, spirals on notebooks, odd bits of string and more.

This boys mind had snapped, and he had gone within himself to deny the world because it had done him wrong. In this boys past was a dreadful secret, mental cruelty, and a wayward mother, and father. This book is an emotional story, there is so much going on and so many lies and hidden secrets.

This poor child had to deal with so much that a child shouldn't have to deal with in an adults world - some adults seem to think that the child's mind can deal with as much as an adults - or maybe some adults really just don't care. ○ I liked this book very much for what I learned from reading it.

God put it on my lap at a certain time in my life when I was deeply struggling with mistreatment in my own past and I needed to accept that my past was not normal and that my parents were not normal. I also needed to accept that memories were going to surface as my courage grew and I was to face them and then they would become memories of the past, no matter how tragic or painful. Kevin had to do this as well.

Torey took this boy and took him out of his torture until finally the secret came to light and Kevin could tell the story of his life and mistreatment by adults. An amazing story of hope, and the last I read Kevin is a normal adult living a normal life.

Keven also taught me because of his life that we can get through anything. I learned a lot about inner-strength and courage from this book too. This is a tough book to read but worth it and I recommend it to people who are interested in such reading material.

♥

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

April 19, 2013.

===

“She looked up. "What I can't figure out is why the good things always end."

"Everything ends."

"Not some things. Not the bad things. They never go away."

"Yes, they do. If you let them, they go away. Not as fast as we'd like sometimes, but they end too. What doesn't end is the way we feel about each other. Even when you're all grown up and somewhere else, you can remember what a good time we had together. Even when you're in the middle of bad things and they never seem to be changing, you can remember me. And I'll remember you.”

― Torey Hayden, Torpedo Run / Banners Of Silk / My Left Foot / Trojan Treasure

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