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Susan Forward Quotes and Advice.

Taking Toxic Parents down from their pedestals:

When you deify (like worship) your Toxic Parents, living or dead, you are agreeing to live their version of reality. The big problem is at first realizing that you have Toxic Parents when they are all you have known all your life and as we all know Toxic Parents are great manipulators - they know which buttons to press to get their children to do as they want - even when the children are adults.

When you bring your Toxic Parents down to earth, when you find the courage to look at them realistically, you can begin to equalize the power in your relationship with them

- Dr. Susan Forward.

Denial is the lid on our emotional pressure cooker: the longer we leave it on, the more pressure we build up. Sooner or later, that pressure is bound to pop the lid, and we have an emotional crisis. - Susan Forward.

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“MAKING THE LIE MAKE SENSE:

When denial (his or ours) can no longer hold and we finally have to admit to ourselves that we’ve been lied to, we search frantically for ways to keep it from disrupting our lives.

So we rationalize. We find “good reasons” to justify his lying, just as he almost always accompanies his confessions with “good reasons” for his lies. He tells us he only lied because…. We tell ourselves he only lied because….

We make excuses for him: The lying wasn’t significant/Everybody lies/He’s only human/I have no right to judge him.

Allowing the lies to register in our consciousness means having to make room for any number of frightening possibilities:

• He’s not the man I thought he was.

• The relationship has spun out of control and I don’t know what to do

• The relationship may be over.

Most women will do almost anything to avoid having to face these truths. Even if we yell and scream at him when we discover that he’s lied to us, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”

― Susan Forward.

About the Author

Susan Forward, PhD, is an internationally renowned therapist, lecturer, and author of the #1 New York Times bestsellers Toxic Parents and Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them, as well as Betrayal of Innocence: Incest and Its Devastation, Money Demons, Emotional Blackmail, When Your Lover Is a Liar, and Toxic In-Laws. In addition to her private practice, for five years she hosted a daily ABC talk-radio program. She has also served widely as a group therapist, instructor, and consultant in many Southern California medical and psychiatric facilities, and she formed the first private sexual abuse treatment center in California. She lives in Los Angeles and has two grown children. - Penguin Random House.